Saturday, September 01, 2007

Spiritual Sharing August 2007



Sat 20070804
* It's been a long time since the last time I wrote here. I lost my PDA, I went on vacations. I have just bought a new one and the following day I start writing.
* Thank you very much for the vacacions. For the presence of Jxxx Lxxx and the group of his parish. I had a good time.
* Thank you so much for finishing the paper. I feel now really released. This paper was weighting on me too much. Now I remember that the first idea started by February or March of last year. It's been a long time. I started writing at Christmas time. It's already been six months. Finally, I like the paper. It is the best work I have done since I starting in the Financial Mathematics field. I'm very satisfied with it. I sent it to the Journal of Mathematical Finance. I also sent it to some people around the world, to the people in my department and the head of the Front Office.
* About the conversation I had with Pxxx Fxxx. It was very informative. Now I'm thinking of moving into the front office from the risk department. It's something Exxx suggested me more than a month and a half ago. However, it is now when I see more clearly that I may do it. Pxxx helped me a lot to clarify me.
* Praying for Jxxx. May you be with her, so that she can clearly identify what she wants.

Mon 20080806
* Genesis 18, 20-32:
"How great an outcry there is against Sodom and Gomorrah! How grevious is their sin! I propose to go down and see whether or nt they have done all that is alleged in the aoutcry against them that has come up to me, I am determined to know.

The men left there and went to Sodom while Abraham remained standing before the Lord. Aproaching him he said: 'Are you really going to destroy the just man with the sinner? Perpahs there are fifty just men in the town. Will you really overwhelm them, will you not spare the place for the fifty just men in it? Do no think of doing such a thing: to kill the just man with the sinner, treating just and sinner alike! Do not think of it! Will the judge of the whole earth not administer justice?' The Lord replied, 'If at Sodom I find fifty just men, I will spare the whole place because of them'.

Abraham replied, 'I am bold indeed to speak like this to my Lord, I who am dust and ashes. But perhaps the fifty just men lack five: will you destroy the whole city for five?', 'No he replied, 'I will not destroy it if I find forty-five just men there'.

* Contemplating the figure of Abraham. When everyone leaves to go to Sodom and Gomorrah to check whether they were or not guilty, Abraham stays there until everyone has left. Looking how Abraham is alone with the Lord. Contemplating the silence connected by the feelings of their hearts. Of how Abraham aproaches the Lord. He approaches him like a very close friend. Contemplating the intimacy between Abraham and the Lord. Enjoying the silence between them. Of how Abraham asks his Lord, how can you kill the innocent for the sins of the guilty?. Of how Abraham negociates so humbly with the Lord the saving of those just men. Of how the Lord always confirms Abrahma that he will save the whole city in attention of those fair one in it. Contemplating the humbleness of Abraham when daring to challenge his Lord.

Wed 20070808
* From Luke 12, 32-48:
"Happy those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. I tell you solemnly, he will put on an apron, sit them down at table and wait on them".

"When a man has had a great deal given him, a great deal will be demanded of him; when a man has had a great deal given him on trust, even more will be expected of him".
* My dearest Lord, you have given me a great deal. Let me value it. Let me be ready to respond to Your call and Your demand.

Mon 20070813
* Thank you for this weekend. I went with my parents and my grandmother to a little village in Guadalajara (where my grandmother was born). We spent some time in a swimming pool. My grandmother enjoyed being with us. I slept well and had some rest. I could swim both Saturday and Sunday. I went to mass with my father on Sunday.
* On Saturday afternoon, we all went to the swimming pool and found Dxxx and his girlfrind, Ixxx and Jxxx. Meeting Dxxx's girlfriend from Morocco. She is a nice woman. She only speaks French and noone but Dxxx speaks French in this little village. I spoke to her in French and she was so thankful to find someone to speak to. Dxxx has stayed in Agadir (Morocco) for more than three years now. I was very happy to come across all this people.
* My prayer for Cxxx. May Exxx take some rest in Torremolinos. My prayer for Pxxx and her baby.
* About the concluding words of the priest at the end of the mass:
* From Luke 12, 32-48:
"Happy those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. I tell you solemnly, he will put on an apron, sit them down at table and wait on them".
* Thank you my dearest Lord. I had a good rest this weekend.

Thu 20080816
* About Sxxx. She is loosing her faith. She is loosing her trust in You and before, probably in her. From what she does, is there anything wrong? Is she asking for things properly? Is she asking for the right things? Maybe she is doing everything well. Maybe it's simply about You wanting something we cannot understand. May she trust and continue working with the same excellence that characterizes her. Why with excellence?, there's no result. Still with excellence, because that's what allows us to trust. My prayer for her. She's been already too long in a hard situation.
she feels as if she won't get out easily from it.
* About the piece of advice from Lxxx Rxxx. If noone pays attention to your developments and publications, don't complain. Don't become a wird worker. Inform all the people who should know about your developments and continue doing your work with the excellence that characterizes you. Whenever you find something better, change jobs.
* About searching for a couple. It feels estrange. Preparing a profile in a contact page. Will I find someone?. I don't know but I'm putting the means out. I'm doing my best. At this point, this is enough.

Mon 20070820
* My prayer for Cxxx. May she spend a good summer.
* About spending both Saturday and Sunday lunch and afternoon with my grandmother and my parents. Maybe, that is too much but I guess that it was so much better for them.
* Feeling a little strage about meeting people through a contact page. On one side, it is possible to meet people but on the other side, it seems like when one is not interested in someone, it is quite difficult to say so. Let me be careful and loving when doing it.
* About spending too much time in the internet this weekend. Being too curious about the responses.
* I stayed about 20 minutes after mass yesterday in the presence of my dearest Lord. I enjoyed that moment. Thank you for enjoying being in the presence of my dearest Lord.
* Still contemplating Abraham in the presence of the Lord when everyone had left for Sodom and Gomorrah. Remembering still that precious dialog between Abraham and the Lord.
* About the postcard from Jxxx Lxxx. Wishing him to have a good time in New York.

Tue 20080821
* My dearest Lord, keep me very near You. So that I may say and do things as in your presence, especially when talking and getting to know the people from a contact webpage. I will get hurt most likely. However, let me do my best not to hurt anyone
* Letter of Saint Paul to the Hebrews: 12, 5-7; 11-13:

Have you forgotten that encouraging text in which you are addressed as sons? My son, when the Lord corrects you, do not treat it lightly; but do not get discouraged when he reprimands you. For the Lord trains the ones that he loves and he punishes all those that he acknowledges as his sons. Suffering is part of your training; God is treating you as his sons. Has there ever been any son whose father did not train him?. Of course, any punishment is most painful at the time, and far from pleasant; but later, in those on whom it has been used, it bears fruit in peace and goodness. So hold up your limp arms and steady your trembling knees and smooth out the path you tread; then the injured limb will not be wrenched, it will grow strong again.

* With all this meeting process it is certain that I'm going to have difficult times. This is not all about having fun (at least in the way I'm trying to do it). Avoiding pain or difficulty is probably not very sensible. I will also have good moments. This is all about a training process. Exploring new experiences. Trials and errors. Let my dearest Lord be present in the midst of this new step. I'm sure my dearest Lord agrees that it is the right moment to do this.

Fri 20070824
* About visiting Pxxx and Jxxx. I enjoyed very much all the changes that they have done in Chamartín. It was a pleasure to be with them and also with Mxxx. I saw Pxxx tired.
* Rm 14,7-9:
Porque ninguno de nosotros vive para sí ni ninguno muere para sí: si vivimos, vivimos para el SeÑor, y si morimos, morimos para el SeÑor. Para eso murió el Mesías y recobró la vida, para tener seÑorío sobre vivos y muertos.

For no one amoung us lives for oneself and no one of us dies for oneself. If we live, we live for the Lord and if we die, we die for the Lord. That's why the Mesiah died and recovered live, so that He could take ownership over dead and living.
* My dearest Lord, let me experience that I belong to You and not to me. Be very close to me. Especially now, that I'm in searching process and meeting new people to find a partner.

Mon 20070827
* Thank you for this weekend. My prayer for Cxxx. Thinking of her.
* About having dinner with Sxxx and Exxx on Saturday. It was a good occation to be with them. Telling them about my B plan. Listening their advice.
* Watching the movie "De Lovely" with Exxx and the rest of the family. I did not finish the movie but I enjoyed it so much. I enjoyed especially how my aunt was enjoying it. I was enjoying her enjoyment.
* About meeting Axxx on Sunday late afternoon. This is the first person I meet from the contact page. I enjoyed a lot talking to him. I felt comfortable with him. He is not very sophisticated but very good people. I liked his smile and his face. I could see slightly teary eyes when I told him about my experiences about the divine providence. Mine were teary too. He asked me whether I was getting moved for what I was saying. I told him that what I was saying was indeed very moving.
* Taking with Exxx on Sunday night.

Wed 20080829
* Luke 13, 22-30:
Through towns and villages Jesus went teaching, making his way to Jerusalem. Someone said to him, 'Sir, will there be only a few saved?' He said to them, 'Try your best to enter by the narrow door, because, I tell you, many will try to enter and will not succeed.
'Once the master of the house has got up and locked the door, you may find yourself knocking on the door, saying, Lord, open to us, but he will answer, I do not know where you come from. Then you will find yourself saying, We once ate and drank in your company; you taught in our streets, but he will replay, I do not know where you come from. Away from be, all you wicked men!"
* About the people who ask "Sir, will there be only a few saved". This is the question who interests those you do not know You, my dearest Lord. Those who are not even interested in knowing You. Those who are only interested in "getting saved" but haven't discovered who You are. Those who are more concerned about what is to be done to be among the elected but are not moved by love (they are more afraid than loving, looking for some insurance for the future). They ate with you, heard Your teaching and spend their years doing "external" things but did not realize who You are (that is hard but so much worth). They did not search the narrow door. Behind the narrow door is the style of humility who gets to know my dearest Lord. Of whose who were never interested to follow that path, they will find that when they want to ask for all the "rights" they have earned (we ate with you, spent time with you ...), my dearest Lord does not know them because they never knew who He was.
* For those times in which we cannot recognize our own friends. They have been with us in many situations but we can only think that 'I don't know where you come from'.

Fri 20080831
* Ecclesiasticus 3,17-20; 28-29
"My son, be gentle in carrying out your business,
and you will be better loved than a lavish giver. The greater you are, the more you should behave humbly, and then you will find favour with the Lord; for great though the power of the Lord is, he accepts the homage of the humble.

There is no cure for the proud man's malady, since an evil growth has taken root in him. The heart of a sensible man will reflect on parables, an attentive ear is the sage's dream".
* My dearest Lord, make me humble. The more You make me, the allow me to behave humbly. You accept the homage of the humble.


Spiritual Sharing July 2007


Mon 20070702
* Thank you my dearest Lord for I feel a lot better at work. This is not about many changes, but the way in which I see the situation. Thank you for this perspective.
* I spent the whole weekend writing my paper. I finished the scope I had a few months ago. Now I'm writing another section, hopefully the last one. I was blocked about validating some results. After speaking to Exxx two Sundays ago, I felt released and things that I thought I had to do are not necessary and I can move forward much quicker.
* About gay pride last Saturday. We were just a few people from our group. I guess that the atmosphere is not very good, especially after the last meeting. I hope that after the summer, all this can be properly reviewed.
* About feeling enthusiastic about going with Jxxx Lxxx and his parish to Turkey.
* My prayer for Cxxx. She is getting a new treatment. May she spend a reasonable summer.
* For the nice conversation my aunt and I had last Thursday. My prayer for her so that she may cope well taking care of my grandmother. May I help too.

Thu 20070705
* Isaiah 66,10-14
Rejoice, Jerusalem,
be glad for her, all you sho love her!
Rejoice, rejoice for her,
all you who mourned her!

That you may be suckled, filled,
from her consoling breast,
that you may savour with delight
her glorious breasts.

For thus says the Lord:
Now towards her I send flowing
peace, like a river,
and like a stream in spate
the glory of the nations.

* Thank you my dearest Lord for sending flowing peace, like a river. Thank you for Exxx's advice once more. He called me yesterday to invite me to go and see him in Barcelona. Thank you for now, towards me, my dearest Lord is sending flowing peace, like a river. Thank you so much.

Wed 20070711
* Psalm 68;

Seek the Lord, you who are poor,
and your hearts will revive.

* I'm poor. You made me poor in the past months. Let me seek You, now that I'm poor. Let my heart revive. Let me take care of people and not that much of my work. It seems again that I'm not going to finish the paper before going on vacation. I'm very overloaded this week.
* Thank you for the invitation of Axxx this Sunday to have lunch with Jxxx Lxxx, Jxxx and Mxxx Lxxx. It was unexpected and therefore a great gift.
* Enjoying to have dinner with Jxxx Lxxx on Monday. Thank you for his kindness and his support.

Spiritual Sharing June 2007


Mon 20070604
* About the christian gay encounter this past weekend. It was good. I liked it. It was well organized, nice celebrations and discussions. Good sharing. I think I have some spititual hangover this morning.
* About Exxx inviting me to take communion together in the last mass. About Jxxx, this person I liked very much. I think he didn't pay too much attention to me. There were moments in which I was drawing too much attention to him.
* I didn't join a group of people (Jxxx among them) because I thought I had to go to a meeting about the area of religious affairs. Now I think that I should have gone with this people. They proposed us to go for a drink to the city center at night. I would have like to have gone with them. We finihed very late after the workshop on Saturday and I went home. I think they finally went out and I should have gone with them.
* At least I had the opportunity to say goodbye.

Wed 20070606
* He abandoned his divine condition and became a simple one out of many.
* Thank you for the direction of Jxxx Lxxx. Thank you for his simplicity, for his advice.
* Thank you for the encounter of last weekend. It was very well organized, a very positive experience.
* Proberbs 8, 22-31:
The Lord created me when his purpose first unfolded,
before the oldest of his works.
From everlasting I was firmly set,
from the beginning, before earth came into being.
The deep was not when I was born,
there were no springs to gush with water.
Before the mountains were settled,
before the hills, I came to birth;
before he made the countryside,
or the first grains of the world's dust.
When he fixed he heavens firm, I was there,
when he drew a ring on the surface of the deep,
when he thickened the clouds above,
when he fixed fast the springs of the deep,
whn he assigned the sea its boundaries
(and the waters will not invade the shore)
when he laid down the foundations of the earth,
I was by his side, a master craftsman,
delighting him day after day,
ever at play in his presence,
at play everywhere in his world,
delighting to bewith the sons of men.

* Let me contemplate how my dearest Lord rejoices when he looks at me. As my mother when she looks at her grand daughter and she is smiling. Let me smile, so that my dearest Lord rejoices even more. May my dearest Lord find a place to stay, to continue looking; contemplating his creation. May his creation look back and realize that he is being lovingly observed, that his creator is looking and enjoying the picture. My creator is enjoying the picture even more because what He sees is vulnerable and needs help and consolation.
* He abandoned his divine condition and became a simple one out of many.

Thu 20070607
* Yesterday, I had a meeting with my collegues at work to talk about provisions. I felt that they are willing to listen to me. They welcomed my ideas. In the evening Pxxx asked me and I knew how to answer. Pxxx Pxxx suggested a good idea and it was accepted. I feel for the first time in several months that I'm not in a corner and that we can all work together. This fact might have been all this time true but I didn't realize or was unable to realize. Trust starts to be built amoung us.
* Thank you my dearest Lord for all these feelings. Thank you for I felt yesterday very peaceful.
* "I was by his side, a master craftsman, delighting him day after day, ever at play in his presence, at play everywhere in his world, delighting to be with he sons of men" (Proberbs 8,22-31).

Fri 20070608
* Psalm 8,4-9
When I see the heavens, the work of your hands,
the moon and the stars which you arranged,
what is man that you should keep him in mind,
mortal man that you care for him?

Yet you made him little less than a god;
with glory and honour you crowned him,
gave him power over the works of your hand,
put all things under his feet.
* What am I, that You keep me in mind?

Tue 20070612
* Romans 5,1-5:
We can boast about our sufferings. These sufferings bring patience, as we know, and patience brings hope, and this hope is not deceptive, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.
* Thank you for having the opportunity to be in Prague last weekend. Thank you for Ixxx's hospitality.
* May my dearest Lord make me patient. May this patience bring me perseverace. May this perseverance bring an increasing hope. May this hope not be deceptive, because it comes from You and not from me. Let this hope be present in every day life.

Thu 20070614
* My prayer for Ixxx and for Cxxx. I was asking for a desire pushing my hand against a cross on the side of Carlos' bridge in Prague. I thought of asking for a boyfriend but in the end my desire was that You were in my life.
* Thank you for the sincerity and openness of Ixxx. Each one of us struggling with our own problems. May the peace of my dearest Lord be with him.
* About Ixxx being the creature in which my dearest Lord delights when He is creating the world.
* John 6,57: "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood will live in me and I in him".

Mon 20070618
* About the little event of giving the Rainbow prize of CRISMHOM. It was a very simple thing. Everything was ready at the very last moment. There was a group of people that prepared different things. The two people who received the price were moved by our simple act. They said it explicitely. There was a little choir singing for us. Some people who usually don't come, came by. I think that they also liked it.
* About the confirmations in my jesuit group. Dad joined and we sat together. I was singing in the choir. A nice celebration. My prayer for all those who got confirmed.
* Having lunch with the family and watching a film afterwards. My grandmother was willing to go to her house. We were retaining her so that my aunt could spend the evening with us. My prayer for my aunt. She is bearing a big load taking care of my grandmother. Doing our best among all to get over the situation.
* About the dinner with my old mates from my school. It was very nice to see these people that I didn't see in almost twenty years. Meeting again Jxxx Pxxx. He's got four kids already. He looks pretty much the same as when we were at school.
* My prayer for Nxxxito, for the difficulties he is experiencing in his marriage. Going over them. Hugging him and filling our friendship with each other.
* Having contradictory feelings at work. On one side not willing to be the center of attention but on the other side, not being happy with that.
* I called Mxxx on Saturday afternoon to simply know how he was doing. It was a good idea to call, for he had been sick and so did his family. His uncle had passed away. Now, they were all well recovering.

Tue 20070619
* Yesterday it was our last conference of the accademic year at the jesuit group. In the homily of the mass there was a sharing moment. I shared my experience of unableness, limitation and lack of confidence. During the dark night, the moments of dificulty, we are likely to find no place to rest except Jesus Himself. I thanked for the experience of humbleness and tininess.
* Thank you for the presidents that had stayed for four years. Thank you for their availability.
* The time of passion is over, let me step towards next step.

Thu 20070621
* Thank you for the SMS message of Rxxx Axxx, encouraging me after my sharing at the mass of the jesuit group.
* Yesterday I started the day badly. I don't know how to avoid these feelings that come up to me. Feelings of not being considered at work of not finding my place.
* Romans 5,1-5
Más aún, hasta nos gloriamos en las tribulaciones, sabiendo que la tribulación produce constancia, la constancia, virtud probada, la virtud, esperanza, y la esperanza no defrauda, porque el amor de Dios ha sido derramado en nuestros corazones con el Espíritu Santo que se nos ha dado.
* Proberbs 8, 22-31:
Esto dice la sabiduría de Dios: El Señor me estableció al principio de sus tareas, antes de comenzar la tierra. Antes de los abismos fui engendrada, antes de los manantiales de las aguas.

Todavía no estaban aplomados los montes, antes de la montañas fui engendrada. No había hecho aún la tierra y la hierba, ni los primeros terrones del orbe. Cuando colocaba los cielos, allí estaba yo; cuando trazaba la bóveda sobre la faz del abismo; cuando sujetaba el cielo en la altura, y fijaba las fuentes abismales. Cuando ponía un límite al mar, y las aguas no traspasan su mandato;

cuando asentaba los cimientos de la tierra, yo estaba junto a él, como aprendiz; yo era su encanto cotidiano, todo el tiempo jugaba en su presencia: jugaba con la bola de la tierra, gozaba con los hijos de los hombres.

Mon 20070625
* On Saturday night I joined Sxxx, Exxx, Jxxx and Cxxx for a nice dinner together. They told us that they were going to marry on September 20th. Those were very good news. They were very enthusiastic about it. The rest of us were enthusiastic too. My prayer for them, for their wedding.

* My father was sick this weekend. He and my mother had two weedings. The first one in Madrid on Friday evening and the second one in s village two hours drive from Madrid on Saturday morning. My mother asked me to go with her to both weddings. I went with her. She had a great time. She appreciated a lot that I went with her.
* About singing in the choir in the wedding on Friday. There was something special about this singing, especially the "Salve Rociera".
* I liked to reencounter Gxxx, on the second wedding on Saturday. I would not have recognized him after so many years. It was him to came to me and said hello.
* Playing with my niece on Sunday afternoon after having lunch all the family except my parents. Nice simple moments.
* I missed the last CRISMHOM meeting on Saturday evening. Axxx told me that it was very tense. Jxxx Lxxx told me that I would have had a bad time if I had been there (I was not).
* Taking to Exxx on Sunday night. It was very helpful for me to talk to him. Thank you for his friendship.

Wed 20070627
* Feeling peaceful for the first time after some months struggling with the possibility of changing my job. Thank you for Exxx's advice. Maybe that the best option would be to move to the front office. Feeling progressively more clear about what I want, what I need. Feeling that I have nothing against the people leading my current group. It is simply about the orientation of the activity that does not satisfy me. Feeling that I can defend my position because I feel clear about it. Feeling that I can finish my paper without doing all that immense work I thought I had to do. Now I can progress and finish it.
* My dearest Lord, thank you for this clarity. Thank you for I feel very peaceful when I think about all this.
* About Jxxx Lxxx telling me that I should try to feel myself spontaneous and with freedom to express my emotions to the people I feel like doing it.

Fri 20070629
* I spent a good time with my aunt yesterday evening, before going to my grandmother's to have dinner. I feel a lot more peaceful about my job though the situation hasn't changed. I start to realize about the most obvious. I guess that I have been blind and blocked for some time. Let me start to build self confidence. Thank you once more for the conversation with Exxx. He provided a very objective view that was very helpful for me.
* Accepting the trip to Turkey with Jxxx Lxxx and his parish.
* Proverbs 8, 22-31:"Cuando ponía un límte al mar, y las aguas no traspasan su mandato; cuando asentaba los cimientos de la tierra, yo estaba junto a Él, como aprendiz; yo era su encanto cotidiano, todo el tiempo jugaba en su presencia: jugaba con la bola de la tierra, gozaba con los hijos de los hombres".

Spiritual Sharing May 2007


Mon 20070507
* Thank you for the wonderful walk on Saturday. It was a sunny fresh day. Walking around the West Park in Madrid. Visiting Axxx to bring him the keys for the meeting in the evening.
* Visiting the paintings of San Antonio de la Florida nearby where Axxx lives. I was very impressed. They are very beautiful and have been restored lately.
* My prayer for Jxxx Mxxx. He was ordained priest last Saturday. About how happy he was. I was pleased to be invited and to be there. About the little present I gave him. A symbolic lantern meaning his being light in this new stage. About the little note I left him wishing him all the best. Thank you for his simplicity, for being so close and down-to-earth. The people from his parish have prepared a big banner to let him know they were at the celebration (there were 17 people who were ordained). Seeing again Fxxx and Sxxx, Rxxx and Pxxx. All the people I met in Taizé last summer.
* Thank you for my family. Thank you for finding time to play the piano. I finished the prelude of the Well-Tempered Clavier. I enjoy this music so much. Let me continue playing in the future.
* Thank you for the birthday party of Exxx. I enjoyed being there.
* About the little aperitive at home with Sxxx, Exxx and Cxxx. For the beautiful plant Cxxx brought me for my birthday (some time after).
* My dearest Lord, there are things that I should have done. However, I had a good time this weekend. Let me take a rest. I need it. Thank You my dearest Lord for this weekend. I slept well, I had my rest.

Tue 20070508
* Psalm 127:

Unless the Lord builds the house,
in vain do its builders labor.
Unless the Lord guards the city,
in vain does the guard stay awake.

It is in vain that you rise early
and stay up late, putting off your rest,
toiling for your hard-earned bread;
God gives it to his loved ones, and they sleep.

* Let me build the house and guard the city of my Lord. A house of vulnerability and a city out of lack of self confidence. Let me accept it. I need to recover my life. Thank you, my dearest Lord, for yesterday I had a better day at work. I could sleep well. My work starts slowly to progress.
* Thank you for the candidates for the elections in the jesuit group. They were all great. Thank you for their availability.
* My prayer for Cxxx. May the strength and peace of the Holy Spirit be with her.

Wed 20070516
* My prayer for my aunt. She's living with my grandmother and getting close to the limit. She cannot stand the situation much more. My grandmother is very old and does not realize of many things. I have to call her more often, especially when my parents are out of Madrid.
* There are thoughts which worry my mind and my soul which should not worry me. Secondary things, usually in connection with work which are not really important. Let only the important things worry my mind.
* Let me recover my self-confidence.

Thu 20070517
* Jn 3,8: "El viento sopla donde quiere y oyes su voz pero no sabes de dónde viene ni a dónde va; así es todo el que nace del Espíritu".
* When one wants to have everything under control, one gets easily stressed. When one trusts others, one lives without knowing whether things will go on, the lack of confidence that things will turn out the way we want.
* Let me trust You, let me trust others, so that I don't have everything under control. I will live under less stress, but things will not necessarily be the way I want. Maybe they will be more the way You want.
* About the first mass of Jxxx Mxxx. It was good to go. Nice people, good messages: we are not called to be saved on our own but with others.
* My dearest Lord is like the wind. I hear his voice but I don't know from where he blows and where he blows to. That's the way my dearest Lord wants me to live. Let me listen, though I may not understand where my current situtation is leading me to. Let me trust.

Fri 20070518
* John 14, 23-29:
If anyone loves me, he will keep my word,
and my Father will love him,
and we shall come to him
and make our home with him.
Those who do not love me do not keep my words.
And my word is not my own:
it is the work of the one who sent me.

Tue 20070522
* Fedor Dostoievski:
Ser Héroe durante un momento, durante una hora, es mucho más fácil que llevar a cabo el heroísmo la vida de todos los días. Aceptar la vida como es, gris y monótona, llevar a cabo esta actividad por la que nadie te va a alabar, ese heroísmo que nadie advierte, que no llama la atención. Quien soporta el desafío incoloro de la vida y persevera, !ese sí que es un héroe!

Be a hero during a moment, for an hour, is a lot easier than being a hero in every day life. Accepting life the way it is, grey and monotonous, do those tasks


Wed 20070523
* Thank you for showing me your path of true happiness. Going first through the passion to move into the resurrection. This is the dark night, the moments of difficulty. Let me trust, for this is almost the only thing I can do. Let me trust that doing my best is enough. Let me open myself to Your Providence.
* Thank You, my dearest Lord, thank You. Thank You very much. Thank You SO MUCH, for You chose this very way of giving You (death on a cross), to teach me how to love.
* Lord Jesus Christ, did I know, how I would break my heart with grief for you. Of all the people in the world, you should have suffered least. I am ashamed of what we did to you while you broke your heart with grief for me.
* In this week, we are likely to find no place to rest except Jesus Himself.
* Dolor, sentimiento y confusión, porque por mis pecados, va el Señor a la Pasión.
* Se despojó de su rango y se convirtió en uno de tantos.
* My Lord, did I know that I would break my heart with grief for you?
* Don't allow me to say "though all will fall, I will never fall". Just let me be with you.
* My soul is full of sorrow even to death. Remain here and stay awake with me.
* "Not what I want, but what you want".
* He was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. A man whom people hide their face.
* Yet ours were the sorrows he bore, ours were the sufferings he endured.
* He was harshly treated, but unresisting and silent, he humbly submitted ... He did not open his mouth.
* He was cut off from the land of the living. They made his tomb with the wicked.
* He had done no violence nor spoken in deceit.

Thu 20070524
* John 17,20-26:
"Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and said:
Holy Father, I pray not only for these,
for those who through their words will believe in me.
May they all be one.
Father, may they be one in us,
so that the world may believe it was you who sent me.
I have given them the glory you gave to me,
that they may be one as we are one.
With me in them and you in me,
may they be so completely one
that the world will realise that it was you who sent me
and that I have loved them as much as you loved me.
Father, I want those you have given me
to be with me where I am,
so that they may always see the glory
you have given me because you loved me
before the foundation of the world.
Father, Righteous One,
the world has not known you,
but I have known you,
and these have known
that you have sent me.
I have made your name known to them
and will continue to make it known,
so that the love with which you loved me
may be in them, and so that I may be in them".

* My dearest Lord, thank you for you want those who were given to you, to be with you where you are. Thank you for you want me to be with you.
* Thank you, my dearest Lord, for you want me to see the glory the Father gave you, because He loved You before the foundation of the world.
* Thank you, my dearest Lord, for you showed me who had sent you, so that the love with which He loved You may be in me and You with me.

Mon 20070528
* About the first communions in my jesuit community this past Sunday. I was in the choir. We didn't prepare a song for the Gloria, but the priest invited everyone to sing the Gloria. One of the guitar players started to play a Gloria spontaneously. Everyone joined. There was something very special for me about this song. That was the song I chose to wrap the message of the only sermon I dared ask permission to give at my old parish. I haven't sung it for years. However it came back so powerful to my singing. Maybe I was singing out of tune; I closed my eyes and left my singing flow. There was a woman singing next to me. After praying the Our Father with our hands joined, she kissed softly my hand.
* About the prayer I prepared for the CRISMHOM meeting for Saturday evening. About this reading from John 17,20-26 that I had been reading last Thursday. There was something again very special about reading it again, now thinking about the people it was addressed to (CRISMHOM). I had planned to work on Saturday morning but I spent most of my time preparing this prayer. We were very few at the meeting. Lack of confidence and strength spreaded around the atmosphere. I hope the prayer contributed to smooth out this atmosphere.
* About the couple of paragraphs I read during the prayer from the little document I prepared for the encounter of gay christians from that inspired meeting (at least for me) being again very few. About the great moments of faith and those "anonymous christians" from Karl Runner. They moved my heart.

Wed 20070530
* During the dark night, the moments of dificulty, we are likely to find no place to rest except Jesus Himself.
* I think that I should recover my life. Leave apart the paper I was writing and start to play the piano, read or do something else.

Thu 20070531
Holy Spirit, Lord of Light,
From the clear celestial height
Thy pure beaming readiance give.
Come thou Father of the poor,
Come with treasures which endure;
Come, thou light of all that live!
Thou, of all consolers best,
Thou, the soul's delightful guest,
Dost refreshing peace bestow;
Thou in toil art comfort sweet;
Pleasant coolness in the heat;
Solace in the midst of woe.
Light immortal, light divine,
Visit thou these hearts of thine,
And our inmost being fill:
If thou take thy grace away,
Nothing pure in man will stay;
All his good is turned to ill.

Heal our wounds, our strength renew;
On our dryness pour thy dew;
Wash the stains of guilt away:
Bend the stubborn heart and will;
Melt the frozen, warm the chill;
Guide the steps that go astray.
Thou, on us who evermore
Thee confess and thee adore,
With thy sevenfold gifts descend:
Give us comfort when we die;
Give us life with thee on high;
Give us joys that never end.
Amen.

* He abandoned his divine condition and became a simple one out of many. He was despised and rejected. Rejected of men. A man of sorrows and acquanted with grief.

Spiritual Sharing April 2007




Thu 20070412
* Thank you for the time I spent in San Francisco. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you for the time with Dxxx, his cousin and his cousin's girlfriend.
* Thank you especially for the time spent with Lxxx in New York. Also with Mxxx and Gxxx. It was good to see the people again. My closest group of friends has somehow disintegrated.
* My prayer for Mxxx. I think he would not answer my mails though he says that he does not receive them. He would not keep in touch with the other people.
* Thank you for spending some time with Axxx. Receiving his book, signed and dedicated from him has been very good. Happy that he succeeded in the end after so much work.
* About being ill in New York, unable to do as many things as I wanted.
* About getting back to Spain. Thank you very much for the company of my parents. They went with me to the doctor and spent the rest of the day with me. They don't see me in a good shape and they are trying to compensate as much as they can with their presence and kindness.
* About getting back to work. That was not easy at all. Especially being still a little sick. At least, I have the impression that the rest of people are willling to work with me. Let me take this as peacefull as possible. I feel overloaded.
* Psalm 117:

"Give thanks to the Lord or he is good,
for his love has no end.

The stone which the builders rejected
has become the corner stone.
This is the work of the Lord,
a marvel in our eyes.
This day was made by the Lord;
we rejoice and are glad".

Mon 20070423
* My dearest Lord, my time is so short. I had a good time on Friday. On Saturday I spent lunchtime with my collegue friends and their children. It was a pity to be with them only an hour and a half. I had the meeting with the board of CRISMHOM. This lunch was outside Madrid and the driving there and back was longer than the time I stayed. I had the feeling of running from one place to another. However, I enjoyed the little time I spent with my friends.
* About grandma. Sometimes she does not recognize my aunt (she lives with her). That makes my aunt feel sad. She is doing so much for my grandma and she cannot sometimes even know that she is my aunt. My prayer for them. The only thing I can do is to visit them a little more often. My prayer for my aunt. May the peace of my dearest Lord be with her. May she not get frustrated when my grandma cannot recognize her.
* My prayer for Cxxx. He resigned as vocal in the board of CRISMHOM last Saturday. He is not going through a good time. May the peace be with him. Let me pray for him.
* On Sunday I spent the whole afternoon at my grandma's house. Trying to install the electronic organizer of my aunt. Maybe I would rather be talking with my grandma. They thanked my presence.

Tue 20070424
* Yesterday I went to the meeting of the jesuit group of my parents. There were candidates for the new presidency. I could have gone home and hve worked on my paper, however, I decided to go to this meeting.
* I liked the meeting, the availability of the candidates, their ideas, their willingness to serve in the group. There were some people I don't know very well who showed me some sort of special warmness. I liked the advice of Lxxx Mxxx about not changing jobs. It is not easy to find a good one.
* "In time of desolation, do not move out". Let me stick to this Ignatious' phrase. I will stabilize, let me be patient. Things will improve.
* About my job, I think that after leaving my previous direct boss, the rest of people would be willing to work with me. There are good signs of that. They are helping me out.
* Let me be a little more confident at work. I feel stressed easily. I have a lot of load. However, let me be confident in what I do. Let me not feel overwhelmed for something I cannot do or at least I don't have to do now.
* Let me trust the one who sent me. I guess that all this state of insecurity will end up for the good. Let me trust and stand this situation with hope. I know who I trust.

Fri 20070427
* My dearest Lord, yesterday I had a horrible day at work. I was working with someone but I could not concentrate. I felt everything oppressing me. I'm loosing my own confidence. This is not about being unable but a lot more about being blocked, not thinking properly, forgetting everything. Testing time after time what I'm doing for I'm always thinking that I may be doing a mistake. I think that people are realizing of my situation. I don't like that. My cure is simply being able to progress a little. Do things properly. Being proud of them. At the end of the day, I was on my own and I could recover, start doing things properly.
* I hope all this situation can be for the good. The passion which makes us learn about the real sence of the resurrection.
* I'm going on retreat this weekend. I hope I may find you there to find some sense to all this situation.
* My prayer for Cxxx and Cxxx. I guess they are going through a worse situation than mine. May we all find peace.

Spiritual Sharing March 2007



Thu 20070301
* A jesuit priest who led my spiritual exercises in everyday life when I lived in New York has come to Madrid for a visit. I was very pleased to see him again. We went to a concert and spent some time talking after it. Trying to catch up. It's amazing how things and situations change. People seem not to change as much. I found Nxxx pretty muh as I knew him three years ago. Sharing the good things and the sad ones too. Difficulties and good reasons to be happy about. I had a great time with him.
* It seems to be a close relation between my current difficulties with some Nxxx had in the past. Stories of unfriendly people who do good work which nobody sees or understands. People who honestly take care of the interests of others. But these others never know about it because those who preserve their rights are unfriendly, or harsh. Contemplating another type of people who are very friendly but don't take care of the interests of others as long as those interests are not their own. However they show off very well what they do. The are well understood (though their intentions are not very legitimate). They are famous, people like them. They progress in society. I don't want to be one of tem.

Mon 20070305
* About celebrating my birthday this weekend. I invited the whole family to eat at home. I cooked a paella. It was good. Everyone enjoyed it. I prepared the meeting at CXXX. Everyone spoke. I brought out something to eat and drink to celebrate my birthday with them. On Sunday, I celebrated with Sxxx, Exxx, Jxxx and Cxxx. It was very good to see them again.
* Thank you for the opera on Friday. Axxx invited me to come with him. I enjoyed it very much.
* Working on Sunday evening. I did not go for a coffee on Sunday because I had to work. Thinking whether it is worth to work so hard out of my free time.
* Let me trust You, my dearest Lord for the situation at work. Let me remember that my paths are not Yours. That Yours are so higher and wiser than mine. Let me trust. For it's been already quite a few times when things that I considered bad news at first, became my best news.
* My prayer for Jxxx Lxxx's mother. She is in the hospital. May she recover soon.

Thu 20070308
* Among ups and downs. My dearest Lord, You always make sure that whenever I succeed, it is not quite me or at least, it is not when I want or at the speed I would like. Let me trust You. I do need to trust You.

Fri 20070309
* Corinthians 10,1-6:
I want to remind you, brothers and sisters, how our fathers were all guided by a cloud above them and how they all passed through the sea; all ate the same spiritual food and all drank the same spiritual drink, since they all drank from the spiritual rock that followed them as they went, and that rock was Christ.
* I feel myself guided by a cloud, were things are never clear. I feel passing through the sea, forced to believe in my Lord's providence, forced to trust. Let me drink the spiritual drink that emanates from a rock. Noone would have ever believed it: a rock drawing water. Let me trust, my dearest Lord. Let me do everything that could possibly be done, knowing always that everything depends on Your will.

Wed 20070328
* I'm leaving for the US tomorrow on vacations. I hope I can get a bit of fresh air. I need it.
* About having a hard time again at work. I don't know what it is about. I feel limited, not very proud of my work. When I needed help some time ago, Jxxx Mxxx washed his hands about it. Now, he needs help and I'm unable to refuse my help. I have very good ideas but I think that no one at work cares about that. I feel that people will leave me in a corner and take the power themselves.
* Yesterday I had a hard time. My dearest Lord. Inspire me a way out. One of those that come from You.

* Philipians 3,8-14:
I believe nothing can happen that will outweigh the supreme advantage of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For him I have accepted the loss of everything, and I look on everything as so much rubbish if only I can have Christ and be given a place in him. I am no longer trying for perfection by my own efforts, the perfection that comes from the Law, but I want only the perfection that comes through faith in Christ, and is from God and based on faith. All I want is to know Christ and the Power of his resurrection and to share his sufferings by reproducing the pattern of his death.
* My dearest Lord, let me know the power of Your resurrection. It is always very hard to reproduce the pattern of Your death. It seems to me that I'm going through Your passion these days. Let me receive Your Holy Spirit, so that I may go on.

Spiritual Sharing February 2007




Fri 20070202
* About going to see my grandmother yesterday evening. I found her quite well, though loosing a little her head. Unable to remember much, but happy though.
* Being released from my work. I have managed to get rid of most of the things that were pressuring me since long ago. Thank you for the help from Exxx.
* The Saint Spirit transforms us in his sons similar to the Son and allows us to live with the same feelings of Christ Jesus (Philipeans 2, 5). Let the Holy Spirit invade me so that my feelings start to be Your feelings.
* A friend of mine collects crystal owls. On the day of Wise Men (the Epiphany) my aunt gave us a Wise Men cake. This cake has a surprise inside. It is usually a little figure. This time it was a little crystal owl. I thought of this friend of mine. I wrote in a little piece of paper a message saying that I had received an owl as the surprise of a Kings cake and wanted to be another surprise for her. I put this message into an envelope and sent it with the crystal owl.
* Getting back from my work in the bus. Exxx talked to me about feeling excluded from the rest of the people in the group. I guess that I feel also excluded. We don't work together. We just want to be more than the other, competing for power for doing the interesting job. I don't feel very well. I approach my limit.


Mon 20070206

* About the talk Jxxx gave yesterday about the contemplation. I thought about Exxx. Contemplating is trying to look with the eyes of my Lord, always expecting the best out of the people and situations around us. Always looking for the best out of others rather than the worst.

* Psalm 1, 1-4; 39, 5:
"Happy is the man who has placed his trust in the Lord

Happy indeed is the man
who follows not the councel of the wicked;
nor lingers in the way of sinners
nor sits in the company of scorners,
but whose delight is the law of the Lord
and who ponders his law day and night.

He is like a tree that is planted
beside the flowing waters,
that yields its fruit in due season
and whose leaves shall never fade;
and all that he does shall prosper.

Not so are the wicked, not so!
For they like winnowed chaff
shall be driven away by the wind,
For the Lord guards the way of the just
but the way of the wicked leads to doom".

* Let me always look mainly at the best of others and not pay so much attention at the worst. Let me be surprised by people, by their good reactions rather than the bad reactions I'm sometimes expecting.

Tue 20070208
* Let me never allow myself to be sad. Let me accept my limits and try to solve them. Let me assign responsabilities to those who have them and to myself if it does apply to me.
* About visiting my grandmother and my aunt yesterday. Having dinner with them after the visit. I found my grandmother fine. They thanked me very much my visit.

Mon 20070212
* Last Thursday I went to a concert with my aunt. I told my parents that I was going to have dinner with them after the concert. My aunt and I found a friend in the entrance of the concert hall and we all sat together. My aunt left early to take care of my grandmother. I came back home with this friend. When arriving home I received a call from my parents and realized that I had forgotten to call them not to go for dinner.
* Let me not forget these things. I have the impression that my parents are constantly inviting me because they are somehow concerned about me. My mother asked me not to forget. I thought of telling her not to invite me for that was the only way not to forget. Fortunately, I didn't say that. I guess that thinking to refuse the invitation not to forget is one reason why my parents are concerned. They don't deserve such an answer.
* Thank you for the weekend. I had a good time. I pray for Rxxx and his boyfriend. I went to their farewell party before their marriage. Everything was very original, sometimes hard to conceive. Rxxx and his boyfriend belong to a theater group.
* I was very happy to reencounter the people from our old parish. We don't see very often but we are very happy to see each other.

Wed 20070214
* Samuel 26, 2; 7-9:

"So in the dark David and Abishai made their way towards the force, where they found Saul asleep inside the camp, his spear stuck in the ground beside his head, with Abner and the troops lying round him.

Then Abishai said to David: 'today God has put your enemy in your power; so now let me pin him to the ground with his own spear. Just one stroke! Iwill not need to strike him twice'. David answered Abishai, 'Do not kill him, for who can lift his hand against the Lord's anointed and be without guilt?'. David took the spear and the pitcher of water from beside Saul's head, and they made off. No one saw, no one knew, no one woke up; they were all asleep, for a deep sleep from the Lord had fallen on them.

David crossed to the other side and halted on the top of the mountain a long way off; there was a wide space between them. David then called out, 'Here is the king's spear. Let one of the soldiers come across and take it. The Lord repays everyone for his uprightness and loyalty. Today the Lord put you in my power, but I would not raise my hand against the Lord's anointed".

* Let me not hurt the people I don't like, my dearest Lord, even if I have the opportunity to do it. For
they are your annointed. Let me identify how You let them be in my hands. Let me not hurt them (even if they "deserve" it).

Tue 20070220
* About the passion. Feeling that people around me at work who have spontaneusly talked to me, or approached me in the past, tend not to do it any more. Lack of communication, I don't talk about this, people don't talk about this. Silence, talking about something else. Maybe it is not explicit, but I can feel the difference. Maybe it is just about the way I see all this situation.
* What can I do?. My dearest Lord, tell me what to do. Teach me your way to approach this.
* Luke 6,27-38:
"Jesus said to his disciples: 'But I say to you who are listening: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who treat you badly. To the man who slaps you on one cheek, present the other cheek too; to the man who takes your cloak from you, do not refuse your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and do not ask for your property back from the man who robs you. Treat others as you would like them to treat you".

Fri 20070223
* I gave Exxx the readings of last Sunday mass and the talk by Jxxx. I guess that I will not be very well understood. The readings about love to the enemies. The talk about contemplation within action.
* Luke 6,27-38:
Jesus said to his disciples: But I say this to you who are listening: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who treat you badly. To the man who slaps you onone cheek, present the other cheek too; to the man who takes your cloak from you, donot refuse your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and do not ask for your property back from the man who robs you.

Be compassionate as your Father is compassionate. Do not judge and you will not be judged yourselves; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned yourselves; grant pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you; a full measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over,will be poured into yur lap; because the amount you measure out is the amount you will be given back".
* I guess that this reading tresspasses the limit of human kindness. Who can we do this?. Let my dearest Lord tell me how. This is the mystery of my dearest Lord's love, the very one for which He gave his life to me.

Mon 20070226
* Working weekend but getting things progressively done. My grandmother is better. She is recovering. Everyone enjoyed the presence of my niece on Sunday. Happy about the visit of Nxxx, the priest who led my spiritual exercises in every day life a few years ago in New York. Visiting the Ignacian places in Spain. About him telling me of his emotions coming up when arriving at Xavier's castle. When he was a boy, he studied at Xavier high school. After becoming a priest, he became the headmaster. Some years later, he was the pastor of Saint Francis Xavier parish. I can understand his emotions when arriving at Xavier's castle.* About celebrating my birthday inviting my family to eat at home. Preparing the metting at CXXX the same day. Busy week.

SpiritualSharing January 2007


Tue 20070109
* My grandmother has been in the hospital from New Years' Eve up to today. She's 94. The doctors managed to find out what was wrong with her and she seems to be fine now.
* My father, my aunt and my mother have been taking care of her all these days. The rest of the family has also visited her almost everyday to allow especially my aunt to take a rest.
* My brother and I went to visit her one day after going shopping for Christmas gifts. I think we dropped out our best present at the end of the day when we went to the hospital.
* The following day I went to buy a present to my grandma. I invited my mother to come over with me but she had just spent the whole morning with my grandma and was exausted and worried (my grandma had not spent a good morning). I went on my own not very confident of finding anything. However, I found a beautiful and warm blouse with little flowers for daily use at home.
* I asked my aunt to bring her laptop to the hospital to try a television board. In the evening I brought a long television cable that I had at home and were able to watch TV at the hospital. My grandma could see and hear as the laptop was in front of her. She enjoyed very much the Kings parade the following day. My aunt used a little light that could be connected to the computer (my brother gave it to her last year) to read at night as my grandma didn't sleep very well. She is downloading books from the internet and enjoys a lot reading them from the computer screen.
* I hosted the meal on Kings' day. I prepared fried peppers and a paella. My mother came over a few hours before lunchtime and we spent a very nice time cooking together. The meal was very good. Everyone enjoyed it. My father was with my grandma in the hospital. After the meal we went to visit them and bring their gifts. We brought with us my brothers' six-month-old daughter: the little Mxxx.
* About choosing the best gifts. We gave the blouse to my grandma and she liked it very much. However, the best gift that evening was our presence and specially the presence of the little Mxxx. Contemplating the joy of my grandma playing with the smiling Mxxx among all of us.
* Thank you for the conversation with Fxxx yesterday. He is a good friend that I don't see very often. It was good to update each other. I told him about my trials to reach a relationship. He gave me the perspective of the impartial outsider not having any need himself on that issue. It was very helpful.
* I sent Christmas greetings to a deacon I met with Mxxx last summer. I also enclosed my notes about my encountering experience with the Lord through the acceptance and integration of my sexual orientation. He anwered me back very warmly thanking the greetings and the notes.
* About forwarding this mail to Mxxx. He is very good friends with this deacon but not out to him yet. I guess my presence connects my being gay with Mxxx being gay. Just a little trial to encourage him to come out. I guess Mxxx follows his own pace as we all do. Let me be sympathetic with him as Fxxx suggested. A few days later Mxxx answered this mail thanking me for sharing this deacons' mail with him.
* Continuing the writing of my technical paper. Thinking of new ideas which come over as long as I write.
* Last Sunday I went to the parish I usually go to mass. There was a woman animating the liturgy that I had not seen before. She approached me at the end of the mass asking for any kind of help as new people were necessary to animate the parish. I told her that I had been working in a parish for over 10 years and I could understand very well what she was doing and why. I told her that I already belonged to another group and I didn't have time. She asked me about this group. I told her that I was gay and that this group was probably one out of the only two christian gay groups in Madrid. I told her that I my place was there. She agreed and thanked very much the conversation we had just had.

* My dearest Lord, these are intense times, lots of happenings. My heart is somehow going up and down but certainly alive. I thank You for helping me out putting all these happenings and feelings together and realizing of Your presence through them. The foundation of my life is a collection of daily simple little happenings. Thank you for they show me who You are. I like the way You are. Thank You for being the way You are.

Sun 20070114
* Is 62,1-5:
"About Zion I will not be silent,
about Jerusalem I will not grow weary,
until her integrity shines out like the dawn
and her salvation flames like a torch.

The nations then will see your integrity,
all the kings your glory,
and you will be called by a new name,
one which the mouth of the Lord will confer.
You are to be crowned of splendour in the hand of the Lord,
a princely diadem in the hand of your God;
no longer are you to be named 'Forsaken',
nor your land 'abandoned',
but you shall be called 'My delight'
and your land 'The Wedded';
for the Lord takes delight in you
and your land will have its wedding.

Like a young man marrying a virgin,
so will the one who built you, wed you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices in his bride,
so will your God rejoice in you".

* My dearest Lord, thank you for You take delight in me, for I'm your delight. For the one who built me, will wed me and as the bridgroom rejoices in his bride, so my dearest Lord rejoices in me. For no longer am I to be named 'Forsaken', nor my land 'abandoned', but I shall be called my dearest Lord's delight and my land the wedded.

* Sabiduría 11, 24:
"Amas a todos los seres
y no aborreces nada de lo que hiciste;
pues, si algo odiases, no lo habrías creado"

* Wisdom 11, 24:
"You love all your creation
and you hate nothing that You created;
for, if you did, you would not have created it".

* About having a big meal with Mxxx and Pxxx. The whole family was joined, including my grandma. I thought she would not manage to come but she was good enough to come.
* About my parents and my aunt being able to find someone to spend the evenings with my grandmother. She cannot be alone and my aunt needs a rest. My father told me about how all the process of finding this person was providential.
* Choosing and buying with my brother the television of their wedding gift (two years later ...). We found a good deal in a well-known department store and we were able to have even a free insurance. I just wanted to have no problem if something could go wrong after buying it. My brother was very happy about this.


Thu 20070125

Dios de consuelo,
tú te haces cargo de nuestras cargas,
de tal modo que podamos avanzar,
en todo momento
de la inquietud hacia la confianza,
de la sombra a la claridad.

Hermano Roger de Taizé

God of consolation,
You take our loads,
so that we can move on,
at any time
from anxiety to confidence,
from shadow to clarity.

Brother Roger of Taizé

Mon 20070129
* About simple little things. Thank you for them. Going to Humanes with my brother and my father to take some furniture. Willing to get back to have lunch in Madrid. My brothers' wife prepared an improvised meal for us all when we were back. Thank you for that meal and for the care that Pxxx put in it. Spending some time with the little Mxxx (my niece). Enjoying some time with my niece. My father was also there. My mother came with a car to bring us home as we had brought things we could not carry. My brother showed me the TV set that I gave them as a wedding present.

* About the comment of Mxxx in the mass on Saturday Asking for courage. He had put all the candles very squaredly ordered. The priest asked me to spread them out in a more random way so that they didn't show so "ordered". About the comment of Mxxx saying that he had put the candles very well ordered and how they were all random. This must mean something to me, he said. Of all the meaning of somebody breaking all the order in his life. Willing to preserve his order, his way of life but understanding how that order did not allow him
to grow and be himself. He just came to the mass up to the moment in which he shared this with us (he had to leave)

Wed 20070131

¿Qué tengo yo, que mi amistad procuras?
¿Qué interés se te sigue, Jesús mío,
que a mi puerta, cubierto de rocío,
pasas las noches de invierno oscuras?

¡Oh, cuánto fueron mis entrañas duras,
pues no te abrí! ¡Qué extraño desvarío,
si de mi ingratitud el hielo frío
secó las llagas de tus plantas puras!

¡Cuántas veces el ángel me decía:
«Alma, asómate ahora a la ventana,
verás con cuánto amor llamar porfía»!

¡Y cuántas, hermosura soberana,
«Mañana le abriremos», respondía,
para lo mismo responder mañana!

(Rafael y Lope de Vega)