Spiritual Sharing June 2009

Tue 20090602
* Thank you for the wonderful past weekend. I really enjoyed it. It was a good time to rest. Good to see some of the people of my old parish. Time does not seem to have passed.
* Yesterday I spoke to my high boss. He is leaving the company. I wanted some advice. He gave it to me and I thank him for that. He told me that the research time he assigned to me was only to keep me happy and achieve more concentration in the rest of my time. He was not interested in getting anything in particular from my research or start a research department. He also told me that I could no longer continue trying to be in between university and company. He thought that would not work. I think he is right. That means that I should start to think seriously that if I want to stay, I need to assume and accept that I will do work during my work time and do whatever I want outside there.
* My prayer for Cxxx. May You help her decide what to do.

Thu 20090604
* Yesterday I received a job proposal in London. A great opportunity. However, I'm not sure whether that is the path You have prepared for me. Let me be very attentive to your signals.

John 17, 11-19
"Padre Santo, cuida en tu nombre a los que me has dado, para que sean uno como nosotros. Cuando estaba con ellos, yo cuidaba en tu nombre a lo que me habías dado. He velado por ellos y ninguno se ha perdido, salvo el hijo de la perdición, para que se cumpliera la Escritura. Pero ahora voy a ti, y digo estas cosas en el mundo para que tengan en sí mismos mi alegría colmada.

Yo les he dado tu palabra, y el mundo los ha odiado, porque no son del mundo, como yo no soy del mundo. No te pido que los retires del mundo sino que los guardes del mal. Ellos no son del mundo, como yo no soy del mundo. Santifícalos en la verdad: tu palabra es verdad. Como tú me has enviado al mundo, yo también los he enviado. Y por ellos me santifico a mí mismo, para que ellos también sean santificados en la verdad.

Padre Santo, no sólo ruego por ellos, sino también por los que crean en mí por la palabra de ellos, para que todos sean uno, como tú, Padre, en mí, y yo en ti; que ellos también lo sean en nosotros, para que el mundo crea que tú me has enviado.

También les di a ellos la gloria que me diste, para que sean uno, como nosotros somos uno, yo en ellos y tú en mí, para que sean completamente uno, de modo que el mundo sepa que tú me has enviado y los has amado como me has amado a mí.

Padre, este es mi deseo: que los que me confiaste estén conmigo donde yo estoy y contemplen mi gloria, la que me diste, porque me amabas antes de la fundación del mundo. Padre justo, si el mundo no te ha conocido, yo te he conocido, y estos han conocido que tú me enviaste. Les he dado a conocer y les daré a conocer tu Nombre, para que el amor que me tenías esté en ellos, como también yo estoy en ellos".

Mon 20090608
* Thank you my dearest Lord for all the good You have done on us during the retreat last weekend. You have done yourself especially present. Thank you for the fruits of your Spirit.
* Help me, my dearest Lord so that xxx can get out of my heart and my life. I hope we can recover our friendship at some point in the future.

Mon 20090615
* About some songs by the group "Brotes de Olivo". They inspire strongly the presence of my dearest Lord these days after the retreat.

"Si no tengo amor, no soy nada. Nada soy, si no tengo amor. Nada soy, nada soy, si no tengo amor".

"If I don't have love, I'm just nothing. Nothing I'm, if I just don't love. Nothing I'm, nothing I'm, if I don't have love".

"Me levantaré, e iré a mi Padre; le declararé, "te amo, SeÑor"

"I will make me stand, and go to my Father; I will him declare, I love you, my Lord".

* I had again a hangover on Saturday and Sunday morning. This time I didn't even see xxx. This is out of my control. It's perhaps all about loneliness. Please, be with me, my dearest Lord, love me more for I need your help.
* About the phone conversation yesterday with Lxxx and Jxxx. They make me feel peaceful. Thank you for their friendship.
* About Pxxx calling me on Sunday morning. I left on Saturday night without saying a word. I had to go to a concert. He called me because that was not a good way to say goodbye. He was right, I apologized. Thank you for him too, for he is taking care of me.
* Thank you for the retreat last week. It was wonderful. That was the first time I started to really feel the friendship for Lxxx and Jxxx.
* Thank you very much for the act of presence that Fxxx Gxxx did the other day before starting the meeting of CRISMHOM. He had to leave ten minutes later. Thank you, for although he knew that he was only making a simple act of presence, he wanted to do it.

Tue 20090616
* Whatever You want, whenever You want, if ever You want. For You are my dearest Lord and I trust You. Don't leave me alone, for I feel lonely these days. Love me my dearest Lord, let me feel Your presence.

John 14, 14-21
"I shall ask the Father and He will give you and her Advocate to be with you for ever, that Spirit of truth whom the world can never receive since it neither sees nor knows him; but you know him, becasue he is with you, he is in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come back to you. In a short time the world will no longer see me; but you will see me, because I live and you will live".

* My dearest Lord, you say "I will not leave you orphans". Don't leave me alone. Be with me so that I don't feel lonely.
* My prayer for Mxxx, the woman who is sponsoring the new establishement where CRISMHOM will develop its activities. She lost three days ago her niece. May the Lord be with her and especially her mother, who will miss her the most.

Thu 20090618
* Yesterday the renting contract of the new establishement of CRIMSHOM was signed. An emotional moment. A starting point. A lot of work. May a place of hope be created for many around this place, around all of us.

Fri 20090619
* My parents went to Málaga these days. It's been two years since they did not come. They have a house there. Dad has not been well in the past two years and that is the reason why they did not go. Last Tuesday, mum fell down the stairs and hurt her strongly. Fortunately, she is only bruised but she did not break any bone. Dad is devastated, for he thought again that mum would no longer be there.
* May we accept the reality as it is. It seems to me that it is going to be another two years before they get back to Málaga. Dad will not longer be ready to travel in quite a long time.

Tue 20090623
* Thank you very much for this past weekend. The Rainbow prize event was good. Thank you for the presence of Lxxx. I'm feeling very close to him and Jxxx since the retreat. I also see that they correspond to me. They are probably the people I feel the closest from a spiritual point of view. xxx did not come to the event but called me later to join us. He finally joined but I did not pay too much attention to him. However, I did not feel hangovered the following day and I could sleep well. It seemed to me that my dearest Lord helps me getting over this situation.
* About the SMS message to Lxxx, wishing him a safe trip back to Extremadura and thanking him for his presence (he came just to attend the Rainbow prize).
* I feel more calmed down, not so anxious. About the wonderful birthday celebration of my aunt. That was also wonderful.

Mon 20090629
* There are many things to give thanks for this weekend. I ate with mum and dad and they are fine. You have sent an angel to protect mum. So many accidents happening to her in the past years. Thank you for protecting her. She fell down through the long stair case of Torremolinos. Nothing serious happened to her. Thank you so much for protecting her.

* I told mum my intention to go to an asylum this summer. She told me that I could do whatever I want but she thought that I should enjoy myself, have a rest. She told me not to spend time during weekends studying or working. I'm now correcting a paper from a magazine and now I need to finish. However, It seems now very sensible to me to reject other proposals in this line. I need to enjoy a empty weekend. To have time to call someone on a Sunday to spend time without hurry. I need to have time not to worry about what I have to do next. Time to read perhaps.
* Help me out solving the situation with xxx. He's not to blame but I cannot do any better. Help me out not to live this with tension. I wish I can recover our friendship.
* Thank you for the inauguration mass last Sunday at the new establishment of CRISMHOM. It was great, my dearest Lord's work.

Psalm 122
To you have I lifted my eyes,
you who dwell in the heavens:
my eyes, like the eyes of slaves
on the hand of their lords.

Like the eyes of a servant
on the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes are on the Lord our God
till he show us his mercy.

Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy.
We are filled with contempt.
Indeed all too full is our soul
with the scorn of the rich,
with the proud's man disdain.

Spiritual Sharing May 2009

Mon 20090504
* The heart is our internal compass. The heart tells us where is the north of our life. Where to go, what to do. Sometimes, I don't know where to go or what to do. Those are the moments where I need to hear my heart, to be attentive to my internal needs. Help me identify them.
* Thank you my dearest Lord for You have a plan for me to make me the happiest. I imagine You thinking: "I wish you could imagine what I have prepared you!". My dearest Lord, You have proved me that in my previous history You had those dreams. Let me dream Your dreams. Let my internal compass discover Your dreams.
* ¿What are my dreams? ¿What are my needs?

Wed 20090506
* I need to take things out of my life. I need to prioritize. I cannot do so many things. Less things and enjoy what I do.
* My heart is shrinked. I'm out of my place at work. I need to keep out of things that are not my own. Feeling once more oppressed. Not sleeping well.
* My prayer for Jxxx and Txxx in New York.

Thu 20090507

John 14, 1-12:
"Do no let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God still, and trust in me.
There are many rooms in my Father's house;
if there were not, I should have told you.
I am now going to prepare a place for you,
and after I have gone and prepared you a place,
I shall return to take you with me;
so that where I am
you may be too".

* My dearest Lord, do not let my heart be troubled. I could sleep better yesterday. Thank you for that. I was horribly tired yesterday after work. I could do my shopping (after a month).

Mon 20090511
* What the eyes never saw, what the ears never heard, what the mind would ever conceive, what my dearest Lord has reserved for those who love him. My dearest Lord, I know You have dreams for me. That You marvel at Your thoughts of happiness for me. Let me know Your plan, Your happiness project for me. I cannot grasp it. Let me be fast to listen to You, May my ears and heart not be closed to Your plans. I need to know. May I accept them.
* Help me with xxx. He's now back. Don't allow me to think too much about him.
* My dearest prayer for Txxx. His mother is passing away. He's well affected. My prayer for him, the family and his mum.
* My dearest Lord, help me get back my sleep. To be able to rest.
* Thank you for the meeting on Saturday. I liked it. xxx was there, but I think it did not affect me. I was not thinking of him the following day. I could sleep well.

Tue 20090512
* Yesterday, I went to my jesuit group. The candidates for the pastoral council introduced themselves. I liked being there. Thank you very much for their availability and enthusiasm. Mxxx told me to offer myself. I rejected his proposal. I could see that I cannot be so available and that I don't have their enthusiasm. It was a pleasure to listen to them. You have camped among them. It was good to contemplate it.
* Pxxx had invited us to come and see her. She lost her husband recently after having a baby. This was a difficult situation. Let me just make myself present.
* My prayer for Txxx (the radio and dearest New Yorker priest) and his family. I had never seen him talk with stumbled voice but now. May Your peace be with him and his family. I will attend the funeral this evening.
* May we walk together the way of the cross. Let me meet the resurrection Easter.
* Thank you for the invitation of Oxxx to go to his place for a simple dinner. I will not attend for I have a party of a person from work who will marry in a few weeks. I would prefer to go to Oxxx's but I think I should go to the other one.

John 14, 1-12:
"I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you know me, you know my Father too".

* Let me stick to you, my dearest. I need your support. Let me contemplate the very good things around me.

Thu 20090514
* Do not let my heart be troubled. What have you thought of me to make me happy in this world? Let me accept it, get identified with it, like it. Let me see what I am and what I have. What's the project you thought about?
* May I be a good will messenger, a peace maker. May Your good will be conveyed through me. I feel sometimes lonely, not many look at me or get interested in me. I'm not "famous", many people don't count on me, some see me as a "peaceful" and loving idiot.
* Let me like this place. This is what I am. Sometimes I don't like it. I'd rather be somebody else. Is this what You want out of me?

Mon 20090518
* My dearest Lord, nice weekend, lots of happenings. Thank you for them. I cannot complain.
* Thank you for Cxxx's party before she gets married. I had a good feeling in the end of the party. I felt relieved. I kissed Cxxx saying goodbye and she smiled.
* Going to mass with Txxx for San Isidro. He offered the mass for his mother. About meeting Pxxx Cxxx and having a drink the three of us. Saying goodbye for Txxx will return to New York.
* About visiting Pxxx, meeting her little daughter. Going with Rxxx. She lost her husband three weeks after her daughter was born. Making ourselves present and chat a little. That was the first time we visited her and fortunately will not be the last. She lives so near the Sacred Family parish. I thought of Mxxx who is working there.
* About finishing the review of the paper that Risk magazine sent me. It's been some work but it was worth the effort. I learnt.
* Speding Saturday afternoon with family, my nephew and niece. I had a good time. About the little party to see the eurovision festival.
* Meeting my girls and Jxxx on Sunday morning. Ixxx called me to have lunch with me. My prayer for him. He is not in his best moment. He thanked me for eating and talking to him.
* This weekend I have though more than I would have liked of xxx. He is not to blame for what is hapenning and I'm not to blame either. This situation is what it is and the only thing we can do is to learn to be patient. I hope he understands it. Our encounter last week after a month and a half without seeing each other was very cold (mainly on my side). I will not see him in another month. May my dearest Lord help me so that we might be friends again.

Tue 20090519
Si nous pouvions savoir qu'une vie hereuse est posible, même aux heures d'obscurité ...

Pour qu'une vie soit belle, il n'est pas indispensable d'avoir des capacités exceptionelles ou de grandes facilités: il y a un bonheur dans le don de soi-même.

Ce qui rend hereuse une existence, c'est d'avancer vers la simplicité: celle de notre coeur, et de notre vie.

Quand la simplicité est intimement associée à la bonté du coeur, un être humain peut créer un terrain d'esperance autour de lui.

Frère Roger de Taizé


Si pudiéramos saber que una vida feliz es posible incluso en momentos de oscuridad ...

Para una vida sea feliz, no es indispensable tener capacidades excepcionales o grandes cualidades: existe la felicidad en el simple don de uno mismo.

Lo que hace feliz una existencia, es avanzar hacia la simplicidad: la del corazón y la de nuestra vida.

Cuando la simplicidad se asocia íntimamente a la bondad del corazón, un ser humano puede crear un espacio de esperanza alrededor de sí.

Hermano Roger de Taizé


If only could we know that a happy life is possible, even in moments of darkness.

For a life to be happy, it is not necessary to have exceptional capabilities or big skills: there is happiness within the gift of oneself.

What makes a life happy, is to progress towards simplicity: that of our heart and that of our life.

When simplicity is intimately associated to the goodness of our heart, a human beeing can create a space of hope around him.

Brother Roger from Taizé

* These words by Roger seem to answer the questions that I have been asking to myself for some time. A response to the goodness of heart and simplicity of life as the keystones of happiness. I have been disdaining the goodness of heart that my dearest Lord has brought to me. Happiness conveived as the gift of creating a space of hope around oneself to be given to others.
* Maybe the goodness of heart would not make me feel that other people feel appealed to me. However, this is what my dearest Lord wanted for me and for the other people. I'm fully developing myself as the Lord wants (even if I don't particularly like it).


Wed 20090527
* Next Saturday, I will not attend the meeting at CRISMHOM. This was a meeting of review of life with the new group Exodo. I was writing them a little word to tell how I'm feeling.

Queridos todos:

Espero que estéis muy bien. Me temo que no voy a poder estar con vosotros en la reunión del sábado. Espero que la segunda reunión (y casi última del curso) sea de provecho y os ayude al enriquecimiento mutuo.

A pesar de no poder estar, quería compartir con vosotros un texto que he estado leyendo estos días. No es gran cosa, pero a mí me está ayudando a encontrar mi sitio. Está sacado del último libro que escribió el hermano Roger de Taizé antes de que le mataran hace tres aÑos.

En la última reunión os decía que me resultaba fácil imaginarme al de Arriba pensando en un proyecto de felicidad para cada uno de nosotros. Un proyecto único en el que el mismo Dios se recrea pensando en sus planes para hacernos felices. También os decía que aunque sabía que ese plan existía, llevaba unos meses en los que me resultaba muy difícil intuirlo, atisbarlo. No acabo de encontrarme en mi sitio, en ese proyecto maravilloso de Dios ha elaborado para mí. Este texto me ayuda a intuirlo.

"Si pudiéramos saber que una vida feliz es posible incluso en momentos de oscuridad ...

Para que una vida sea feliz, no es indispensable tener capacidades excepcionales o grandes cualidades: existe la felicidad en el simple don de uno mismo.

Lo que hace feliz una existencia, es avanzar hacia la simplicidad: la del corazón y la de nuestra vida.

Cuando la simplicidad se asocia íntimamente a la bondad del corazón, un ser humano puede crear un espacio de esperanza alrededor de sí".

Hermano Roger de Taizé

Intuyo que el lugar que desea para mí el de Arriba se crea uniendo la bondad de corazón que Él ha estado trabajando en mí desde hace aÑos con la simplicidad de vida y corazón. Y que de esta unión surga la capacidad de crear un espacio de esperanza en torno a uno y que sea esto lo que nos hace felices, sin necesitar grandes cualidades o capacidades. Simplemente en el mismo don de uno mismo se encuentra la capacidad para ser felices.

Llevo tiempo en el que no valoro la bondad de mi corazón. Ser bueno no me hace atractivo al mundo, me hace sentirme solo e incomprendido. Es un camino duro y difícil. Siento que el mundo no se siente atraído por la bondad. La bondad no suscita interés, es aburrida, no es divertida. Así me siento en varios ámbitos de mi vida (afortunadamente no en CRISMHOM).

Hoy presiento que mi SeÑor me ha ido haciendo sencillo y bueno para crear ese espacio de esperanza para otros en torno a mí. El SeÑor quiere canalizar su amor al mundo de esta manera. Ese quizá es el plan que el SeÑor está trazando cuidadosamente para mí y que tanto le ilusiona para hacerme feliz. Ese es el lugar y el hueco que intuyo ha buscado para mí.

Sin embargo, no siempre me siento atraído por este lugar. Siento que se me acaban las fuerzas, que soy un idiota, que se ríen de mí.

"De poco sirve lo que tu sientas, si Dios se siente realizado y te hace a su gusto", decía Teilard de Chardin.

Hoy le agradezco al SeÑor que siga teniendo planes para mí, aunque no sean los que más me interesan, ni los que más me apetezcan. Porque el SeÑor no me da lo que quiero, cuando lo quiero y como lo quiero, sino que me da lo que necesito, cuando lo necesito y como lo necesito.


Although I will not be with you next Saturday, I wanted to share with you a text that I have been reading these days. It's not that great thing, but it is helping me to find my place. It is taken from the last book that Brother Roger wrote before he was killed three years ago.

In our last meeting I was telling you that it was easy for me to imagine the One from Above thinking of a happiness project for each one of us. A unique project in which God himself rejoices thinking of the plans that He has to make us happy. I was also telling you that although I knew that this plan existed, it was getting very difficult for me to figure it out, to peek it. I haven't found myself in the right place, in that wonderful project that God has created for me. This text helps me to do it.

"If only could we know that a happy life is possible, even in moments of darkness.

For a life to be happy, it is not necessary to have exceptional capabilities or big skills: there is happiness within the simple gift of oneself.

What makes a life happy, is to progress towards simplicity: that of our heart and that of our life.

When simplicity is intimately associated to the goodness of our heart, a human beeing can create a space of hope around oneself".

Brother Roger from Taizé

My intuition tells me that the place the One from Above is willing for me is created by joining the goodness of heart He has been developing in me for the past years and the simplicity of heart and life. And may from this union emerge this possibility of creating a space of hope around oneself and may this make us happy, without the need of great skills or qualities. Simply in the gift of oneself can we be happy.

It's been some time in which I don't value the goodness my dearest Lord has put in my heart. Being good does not make me appealing to the world, it makes me feel lonely and not properly understood. It is a hard and difficult way. I feel the world does not feel appealed to goodness. Good will hearts don't awake interest, they are boring, not amusing. That's how I feel in several aspects of my life (fortunately not CRISMHOM).

I feel today that my dearest Lord has made me simple and good to create that space of hope for other people around me. My dearest Lord wants to convey his love to the world in this way. This is perhaps the plan that my dearest Lord is carefully thinking for me, the plan He is so much enthusiasted with to make me happy. That's the place, the little corner I think He's looked for me.

However, I don't always feel myself attracted to this place. I feel my strengh abandons me, that I am a fool, that people laugh at me.

"Of little use becomes what you feel, if God feels full making you, the way He wants", said Teilard de Chardin.

Today I thank my dearest Lord because He may continue having plans for me, even if I'm not interested in them or I'm not most willing to want them. For the Lord does not give me what I want, when I want it and how I want it, but He gives me what I need, when I need it and how I need it. Let me trust, my dearest Lord.

Spiritual Sharing April 2009

Fri 20090410
* Today it is Good Friday. Quite a few happenings. People I want to have especially present today.
* I was impressed to hear that Pxxx has lost her husband in a traffic accident. She was married a year ago and just had a baby a few months ago. Pxxx followed me leading the welcoming group of my jesuit community. One of the priests said in the celebration of the last supper that it had happened. I sent her yesterday a message. I will call her today. My most intense prayer for her. She is with you in the cross. I just want to be aside, watch and pray.
* My prayer for Pxxx. I saw him nervious. I don't know what is happening to him but he asked me to have him present in my prayer.
* My prayer for Mxxx, our 80 year old lady who is thinking of helping CRISMHOM. She had a problem with her knee and cannot move.
* My prayer for dad. He was weeping yesterday when mum called him. He is getting out of his medication and feeling quite depressed. I don't know what to do. I told mum that she is doing well to be here in the Easter celebration with me. She needs to charge her energies before getting back with dad.
* Today it is Good Friday, day of sorrows. These are not sinful sorrows, these are just things that happen in life. Give us a positive attitude to face them with hope. We all join our sorrows to walk and be beside You.
* Dolor, sentimiento y confusión, porque por mis pecados, va el SeÑor a la pasión.

Wed 20090415
* My prayer for dad. He was a little depressed the other day. I bring Pxxx to my memory and pray for her. She lost her husband very recently after having a baby.
* I pray vividly for Jxxx Uxxx. He will be operated the day after tomorrow. May You be well with him. He deserves your presence, though it is not a matter of merit. This operation can be risky. Three operations at a time, because the insurance would not pay for the three operations separately.
* I pray for Ixxx and Oxxx. Oxxx will not be attending CRISMHOM as he needs some time off.
* About how John recognized Jesus when he pointed out where to throuw the net to catch fish. John said: "He is the Lord". The beloved disciple was the first to recognize Jesus.

Fri 20090417
* My prayer for Jxxx Uxxx. He is operated today. May everything go well. May Jxxx recover his previous life, the joy of living (hopefully he has not lost it).
* About the two women friends of my mother. One with altheimer and the other with a problem in the eye (likely to loose vision). My dearest Lord, I pray for them.
* My prayer and thanksgiving for Pxxx (my cousin on my fathers side) from Robledillo. He has been detected a cancer of the linfatic system. At least, the first session of the treatment has gone well.
* My dearest Lord, it seems that I haven't better opportunity to value the health of the people around me and my own. This very gift that You give us and we don't value until we loose it.
* Thank you for meeting Rxxx. For now, he is helping me a lot to forget about xxx.

Mon 20090420
* A busy weekend. My prayer for the mother of Txxx, the priest from New York. He came yesterday night to Spain because she might be passing away. My prayer for dad, hoping that the new treatment can help him better.
* My very prayer for Jxxx Uxxx. After being operated last Thursday, I hope everthing went fine.
* Thank you very much for the birthday party with my old class mates at unversity. We only meet each other about four times a year. This was one of those. I really enjoyed it. I stayed overnight at the house. A little group continued the party after everybody had left. I was one of those. I slept there. I found myself very comfortable. There was nothing especial. Simply I felt like at home. I went to mass on Sunday morning and I liked it. Thank you very much for this party.
* About meeting my girls and Rxxx and Pxxx on Sunday. It's been a long time since we hadn't met. Very happy to have done so.
* Thank you for bringing Rxxx into my life. Maybe there will be nothing between us. However, he is helping me so much to forget xxx.

Mon 20090427
* Nice happenings over the weekend. Thank you very much for dad is starting to feel better after 15 months feeling badly. May he continue. He was changed a medical treatment and it seems that the new one is right. Thank you my dearest Lord to see dad feeling better.

Yo no soy el amor, pero Dios quiere amar a través de mí.

Yo no soy la Luz, pero mi vida se alimenta en la búsqueda de la verdad.

Yo no soy la Palabra, pero en mi silencio puede escucharse la voz del infinito.

Yo no soy la Santidad, pero en medio de mis imperfecciones se cultiva la flor más bella que pueda existir.

Yo no soy salvador de nadie, pero el salvador de todos quiere apoyarse en mí para seguir salvando.

Yo no sé muy bien quién soy, pero me basta con saber Alguien lo sabe y me lo va diciendo paso a paso.

A. López

Spiritual Sharing March 2009

Mon 20090302
* "Lord, make me know your ways. Lord, teach me your paths. Make me walk in your truth, and teach me; for you are God my saviour".
* My dearest Lord, make yourself very present. I need your help and presence. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong but I've been having a hard time for some months. This past weekend I had a very hard time. I thought I had gone beyond the situation with xxx but it is not true. I felt myself horrible this weekend. I had a night of lack of sleep and a day of hungover as I used to have two months ago. Please, my dearest Lord, help me find a way to overcome this.
* I offer my pain to You. May You convert it in something useful. Make me learn out of it. Be very present in my life these days, I pray You.
* Thank you to my parents. I haven't told them but I know they think I'm not in my best moment. Thank you, for they are attentive and caring.
* Thank you for the meal with my parents. Spending time with my niece a little later. I was willing to leave and do some work. Hopefully I stayed and spent some time with my niece. Thereafter I though of working but I spent another hour and a half going for a walk through the West park near where I live. That was a great idea. Finally I didn't work on Sunday. Maybe this is a message You send me. Let me take some time off to be present, to have a rest. I indeed need it.

Mon 20090303
* Hard working day yesterday. At the end of the day I was feeling better. This was the first time that I felt better after going shopping. I did a dessert to share with the people at work with mum. It was very accidental but it helped me very much to feel better.
* Thank you for two phone calls I recieved yesterday. The first one from Jxxx. I told him that I felt myself falling apart, especially if I had been president of CRISMHOM. He told me that I would have been a great president and I would have never fallen apart because he and the rest of people would have vividly supported me. The second call was from xxx. I thought it would have been better not to have any contact with him in a few months but in fact his call supported me a great deal. I felt myself loved, from the very love of a friend who is concerned and worried about me. I told him that I needed to keep distant with him. He told me that whatever I needed was good for him. I felt that he was by no means thinking of himself but only thinking for the very best of me. I slept better last night. I woke up in the middle of the night but fell asleep again. For the first time in three weeks, the alarm clock woke me up.

Wed 20090304
* Thank you, my dearest Lord for giving me Your peace. Thank you for the phone calls on Monday. Thank you for xxx's call. It gave me your peace. Thank you for my little birthday party with some friends from my university. Thank you very much.

Fri 20090306
* Feeling better. I could sleep 7 unstop hours yesterday and the day before yesterday. I needed so much that sleep. I found myself in peace after such a long turmoil. Let me be patient. I need still to keep distance with xxx before I can see him as a great friend.

Lord, make me know your ways.
Lord, teach me your paths.
Make me walk in your truth, and teach me
for you are God my saviour.

Remember your mercy, Lord,
and the love you have shown from of old.
In your love remember me,
because of your goodness, O Lord.

Mon 20090309
* Thank you my dearest Lord for last week I started to recover the peace. I have xxx very present in my thoughts but I feel peaceful about it. I thank very much his call last Monday for he showed me his friendship love which is inmense. I told him that I needed to keep distant from him and he accepted it. He was only thinking of what could be better for me. He was not thinking at all about himself.
* I went for a walk on my own on Saturday morning and with the family on Sunday morning. The weather was so great. I found the peace that I needed. Thank you for that all.

Tue 20090317
* Waking up a little discouraged this morning. However I'm giving thanks today. Thank you for my family, the children, my brother and his wife, my aunt, my parents. May Your will be done, Your paths accomplished. Let me contemplate the beauty of the love between xxx and I. This friendship love is very big, silent. It was not what I wanted, but let me contemplate it and rejoice in it. "May the Lord bless you", he said. Goodbye for a while. May my dearest Lord let me accept him for what he is, a good friend. Life goes on. Let me thank for what You give me.
* Thank you for Jxxx's talk yesterday. He's going to the African Central Republic. A very demanding project. May my dearest Lord be with him always. May he receive his mission along with the strength and enthusiasm to develop it. You are his great treasure who may be offered to others.

Wed 20090318
* Whatever You want, whenever You want, if ever You want. For You are my dearest Lord and I trust You. My paths are not Your paths. My ways are not Your ways. Your ways are so much higher than mine. You lead, I just follow. I feel the smallest in the world. Give me today, the daily bread, give me Your presence. This was never about me. Let me accept that it is all about You. This is not what I wanted. Take appart this cup from me, but may be will not be done but Yours. Teach me Your paths, for they so much overwhelm mine.
* Thank Youk, thank You; thank You very much; thank You so much, for You chose this very way of giving You (death on a cross) to teach me how to love.
* The encountering process with the Lord is so much NOT about me (what I do or what I fail to do) and so much MORE about You. What You can get out of me. What You did, what You do and what You are so much willing to do for me.
* Foxes have holes and birds have nests. But the son of man has nowhere to lay on his head.
* Thank you for you chose to hide those things to the wise and the learnt and tell them to the simple.
* Let me still trust Your divine providence. You lead, I just follow. Give me the strengh to follow.

Fri 20090320
* I went to the West Park yesterday with my mother. My father was going to come but he finally didn't because he didn't feel well. Mum told me wise things. Let me realize of those things that I have and teach me how to find the joy with them. I'm spending too much effort and time to have things that I may never have or perhaps it is better not to have. Teach me to enjoy what I have. Let me value what I have and take advantage of it. I have plenty and I feel the insatisfaction of nor having what I want. I may never have it or perhaps I will have it but for the time being, teach me, my dearest Lord, to look at the marvels You have given to me and enjoy them. Don't allow me not to enjoy what You have given to me because I'm just thinking of what I want. My dearest Lord, I will never have what I want. It is also good not to have always what I want. Give me what You want, even if it is not what I wish. Let me trust Your criterion. It is a lot wiser than mine.
* My prayer for dad. He was feeling rather bad yesterday.

Tue 20090324
* My dearest Lord, thank You very much for last weekend. I had a great time. I needed it. Thank you very much.
* Jxxx Lxxx asked me yesterday how strong I was feeling concerning my mood. I told him that after the weekend I was feeling well, but I could still not assure that I was fine for I had ups and downs. This morning I did not sleep too much because I arrived home late. This morning I was not feeling so well. Let me enjoy what You have given me: it is a lot.
* My prayer for Ixxx and Oxxx. I saw Ixxx yesterday and he didn't look that great.

Thu 20090326
* John 12, 20-33: "Now my soul is troubled. What shall I say: Father, save me from this hour? But it was for this very reason that I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name!".
* My soul is troubled, my dearest Lord. Your soul is troubled. May I not be troubled? This was not out of selfishness. My soul is troubled for I followed You. I don't feel proud of following You though I know I should. Perhaps I am, but my soul is troubled. This was the very reason that brought You to this world. Should Your soul perhaps not be troubled? It is indeed troubled, it cannot be but troubled. Let me contemplate Your troubled soul and why it is troubled. Troubled out of love for me and for others. Thank you, my dearest Lord for Your soul is troubled. Troubled out of the unhapiness of many, out of sympathy for many.

Spiritual Sharing February 2009

Mon 20090202
* Thank you my dearest Lord, for the hard situation I was experiencing with Axxx during the past week was over on Saturday. Thank you for being present.
* On Saturday morning, after waking up I was contemplating the situation when I did my trip to Viena. Of how hard it was because I thought I was wasting my time after so long preparation. The person who invited me had to do a presentation to get a position in Paris. A collaborator of him came also. I accepted that I was not getting anything out of the situation but decided with his collaborator to help this professor do his presentation properly. The previous to last day I worked with Txxx-Hxxx (the collaborator) and the morning of last day. We reached our conclusions and found two ways of moving forward. I found the objectives I needed. Thank you my dearest Lord, for after contemplating this situation You showed me that You are with me.
* Thank you for dad is a bit better.
* About xxx. Let me accept that he cannot offer what I need. However, he loves me tenderly as a friend. I think I cannot still develop a friendship with him. I'm still attatched to him. Help me get him out to be friends.

Mon 20090209
* Yesterday I was speaking to Axxx Vxxx, a jesuit who wanted to talk to me about a project to take care of the gay community. At some point, he said that he would not send anyone to serve this kind of project who would be willing to go. But rather, he would send somebody not willing to go. This fact makes me think that I may accept to serve the others because they ask me to do so, even if I'm not willing. Let me receive your call through others.

Tue 20090210
* I'm worried about CRISMHOM and the coming congress. I'm anticipating a fight between Jxxx and Jxxx which makes me very unhappy. I hope this will never happen.
* Thank you, my dearest Lord, for there might be possibilities to find a place where CRISMHOM may have space in Chueca. I don't want to rise many expectations on this but anyway, thank you. I can see with these happenings that this project is the work of your hands.
* My dearest Lord, keep calling me. Maybe this time You prefer calling me through others. I'd rather receive Your call directly from You. But may Your will be done and not mine. Let me trust you.
* About xxx, he did not allow us to loose contact. He is at least interested in maintaining contact. Give me, my dearest Lord, the gift of getting out of him and allow our friendship to progress.

Mon 20090216
* Lots of happenings this past weekend. Good news, busy weekend.
* Thank you my dearest Lord so much for there's still people in this world who get indeed inspired by your Spirit. Thank you for providing for CRIMSHOM. There is a very good chance that CRISMHOM may have its own headquaters. An almost 80 year old woman wants to give out a place she owns to create a spiritual center, a open religious place in the core of the gay neigbourhood in Madrid. The details are not important now but the contemplation of the events which put us in contact with this good-will woman remind us Your presece in this world and in particular for this modest project. I have had the believe that since the creation of CRISMHOM that it was not a project of women and men but a project of my dearest Lord. Thank you for this all.
* My prayer for Ixxx. May he find his own way in Your presence. He believes in the intercession prayer. Let me pray for him.
* My prayer for my parents. May they get better.
* Thank you so much for the phone call from xxx. Thank you, for he has thought of me yesterday. He took the iniciative and asked how I was going. Taking care of me. Let me thank him. When I was getting back from Viena last Thursday I was rather worried for CRISMHOM. Specially the dispute between Jxxx and Jxxx. It was a dispute of who was the most important. Jxxx Lxxx put them together and they spoke to each other. He saved the situation.
* Thank you for the opera on Saturday. I though very much on xxx as I was listening. I thought of him quite a lot during this week.
* Thank you for the invitation to join Jxxx and his friends on Sunday evening to see a movie. They made me laugh and I need laughing very much.
* About some phone calls to Exxx to thank her for the opera on Saturday and Mxxx in Granada.

Tue 20090217
* Whatever You want, whenever You want, if ever You want. May Your will be done, Your paths accomplished. For You are my dearest Lord and I trust You. I offer myself, I have doubts, I feel sometimes oppressed and uneasy but may my will not be done but what I understand it is Your will. I trust Your Divine Providence. Help me for I don't know how I will deal with so many things. Let me receive Your help. I would have loved to have received Your call directly from You. However, it didn't happen. It was more a call through some people who asked me to offer myself. May I not need what I would have liked but what You want me to receive.
* My prayer for Ixxx and Jxxx. I believe that Jxxx feels rather alone within CRISMHOM. In this moment I cannot do more than what I'm doing for him (that is not too much). After some time, that will be easier to do.

Fri 20090220

* My dearest Lord, I have been asking You to be called to serve CRISMHOM. I was called by others but not by You. I was writing a little text about Lent. An introduction for Lent vigil. This text is not mine but I wrote it. This text is perhaps the call I was asking. Yes, indeed it is. Thaq/qnk you for sending me. I'm now ready.

Sobre la Cuaresma

Se acerca la Cuaresma, tiempo de reflexión. Tiempo para caer en la cuenta, tiempo de revisión. Se inicia el miércoles de ceniza, con el deseo de conversión.

Es un momento privilegiado, sin las distracciones del tiempo de Navidad; sin compras, sin tanta fiesta. Para algunos una excusa, momento para viajar, para ir a la playa, para descansar.

El niÑo que nos nació ha crecido, ya se ha hecho mayor. Se ha ofrecido al extremo. No ha hecho otra cosa que amar. Amar a los desahuciados, a los pobres y marginados. Nos invita a enterrar nuestros complejos, los impedimentos a la felicidad. Enterrarlos hondo bajo tierra, para que germine una nueva vida, una inmensa actitud de gratuidad; un gran gracias por tanto bien recibido. Un borrón y cuenta nueva. Un deseo de volver a empezar, de olvidar los errores, de poder mejorar. Un deseo de acompaÑar a Cristo, de saber pasarlo mal, de aceptar el dolor y afrontarlo con esperanza. Dolor que pese a todo duele, y a veces duele mucho.

Aceptando cargas ajenas, acompaÑando en silencio, dejándose afectar. No son nuestros asuntos, sino los de los de los demás, de aquellos que necesitan ayuda, a veces simplemente estar. Manos de apoyo, presencia pacífica, escucha en silencio. Momentos intensos, vidas plenas que dan de balde, porque también de balde recibieron.

Nuestra cabeza nos llama idiotas, pero arde el corazón. Arde internamente como un volcán en erupción. Erupción de felicidad, de sentido interno, no importa lo que dirán. Cristo ha resucitado y con él vamos detrás. Él nos abrió la puerta, el camino nos marcó, nos dijo que no estaríamos solos que Él proveerá.

Lo inesperado aparece, lo nunca visto aquí está. No estaba previsto, todo parecía cerrado pero hoy una puerta se abre, una salida es marcada por un ventanuco angosto. La Providencia marca un camino de nerviosismo e imprevisión. Un camino inesperado, fuera de nuestro control. Para que el éxito no sea nuestro, sino que sea de Dios. No es lo que habíamos previsto, ni se hizo como queríamos, ni siquiera nos venía bien. Vino según un criterio, el criterio del Resucitado, cuya sabiduría nos supera y excede.

Ya comienza la Cuaresma, en cuarenta días la Pascua. Que lo que de balde fue recibido, sea ofrecido de balde. Y si recibido no nos parece, sea aún así ofrecido de balde, que en el momento por Dios elegido, de balde nos será retornado, en un momento inesperado y en gran medida acrecentado.



About Lent

Lent is approaching, time to reflect. Time to review life happenings, time to realize. It begins on Ash Wednesday with the desire to convert.

It is a privileged moment, without the distractions of Christmas season; without shopping, without so many parties. For some people an excuse, a moment to travel, to go to the beach, to have a rest.

The child who was born has grown up. He's offered himself to the extreme. He's done nothing but love. Love the homeless, the poor and discriminated. He invites us to bury our selfishness, the things which avoid our happiness. Bury those well under ground, that a new life is started, an overwhelming gratitude, a great thank you for the good that we all received. A new starting point. A desire to begin the begin, forgetting the errors, allow oursefves to improve. A desire to walk by the side of Christ, to learn how to have a bad time, to accept the pain and face it with hope. Pain that after all hurts and sometimes it hurts a lot.

Accepting the loads of others, going silently beside, letting oneself being affected. They are not our businesses but those from others, from those who need our help, sometimes simply be aside. Supporting hands, peaceful presence. Intense moments, full lives which freely give for they have also freely received.

Our head calls us idiots but the heart burns. It burns internally like an erupting volcano. Eruption of hapiness, of internal sense, it doesn't matter what they will say. Christ is risen and thereafter we go. He opened the door, showed us the way, He told us that we would not be alone, that He would provide.

The unexpected
Lo inesperado aparece, lo nunca visto aquí está. No estaba previsto, todo parecía cerrado pero hoy una puerta se abre, una salida es marcada por un ventanuco angosto. La Providencia marca un camino de nerviosismo e imprevisión. Un camino inesperado, fuera de nuestro control. Para que el éxito no sea nuestro, sino que sea de Dios. No es lo que habíamos previsto, ni se hizo como queríamos, ni siquiera nos venía bien. Vino según un criterio, el criterio del Resucitado, cuya sabiduría nos supera y excede.

Ya comienza la Cuaresma, en cuarenta días la Pascua. Que lo que de balde fue recibido, sea ofrecido de balde. Y si recibido no nos parece, sea aún así ofrecido de balde, que en el momento por Dios elegido, de balde nos será retornado, en un momento inesperado y en gran medida acrecentado.

Mon 20090227
* The congress of CRIMSHOM has finally ended. It has been very tiring. In special, all the process of offering myself and being available. In the end, I'm not the coordinator and I feel a great relief. May Your presence be among us during the next two years. My prayer for the current president, may he be Your instrument to achieve the best for the group.
* It's been tiring but let me thank for this process. It has been worth living it. I got to know Jxxx a lot better. Thank you, for letting me offer myself. For You gave me Your strength and I felt Your presence very close to me (especially last week).
* Thank you for the dinner with Jxxx after the congress. For the first time, I think I understood what he deeply feels. He said a new thing. He felt internally the action of Your Spirit throgh the defense of the non-born children. For the first time I think I deeply understood him.
* My prayer for Axxx. His comments were hard and hurting to others. In the end he regretted but I don't think he ended in good shape after the congress. May You be with him. There is something blocked inside him that makes him suffer and say things that hurt others.
* My prayer for Ixxx. I though of him in the cantata concert I attended yesterday.
* My prayer for dad and mum.

Tue 20090224
* My dearest Lord, I feel tired and discouraged. I'm not sleeping much these days. I wake up before my alarm clock rings. I cannot sleep again once I wake up. My dearest Lord, may I sleep. May my alarm clock wake me up and not my worries and thoughts. I feel sometimes lonely though I know I'm not alone. Thank you for your presence last week. Give me your peace and hapiness.
* My prayer for Jxxx and Axxx. May they reconcile with each other, clarify their positions. May You be in between them.

Spiritual Sharing January 2009

Mon 20090105
* My dearest Lord, my prayer for dad. Yesterday he woke up horribly. Throughout the day, he hopefully improved. We went to the cinema at the end of the day. I think he enjoyed it. What can we do? Inspire me what to do, what to think, what to pray.
* Thank you for the iniciative of xxx. I liked very much that he thought of me on New Year's Eve. I was not sure of joining. I thought of it for some time. In the end, I joined and I was happy to have done so. I was not hangovered the following day and I could sleep rather well. Thank you, my dearest Lord, for you gave me a good criterion to go on.

Thu 20080108
* Last Friday Mxxx and Pxxx came to my parent's home for a little visit. I got out of work a little earlier to be with them. We spent a couple of hours together. Mxxx wanted to talk to me for a little while on our own. She asked me whether I would be willing to look after her and Pxxx if something happened to them. Mxxx is the niece of my grandmother, the very one who taught me to play the piano. Mxxx has been taking care of her mother ever since her mother got a brain attack and lost her mind. She has visited her every day for several years and so has done Pxxx. They have noone. Pxxx's family does not want to know anything about him. So, Mxxx was asking me to manage their funds and look after them if something happened to them.

* I'm thinking what to anwer. Is it perhaps possible, being in your presence, to say no? They trust me, they love me. I have corresponded that love ever since a few years ago. I'm not indifferent to them. My dearest grandma, what wouldn't you have done for Mxxx? Looking for a residence where they can well be. Visiting them from time to time. That's all they are asking me for.
* This is an important moment in our friendship story: a switching point between past and future. Mxxx has shown me her trust and love in a very special way. This only means that our link will strengthen, get deeper. How could I possibly say no?

Thu 20080115

Oh dear Virgin Mary
give me a pure and open heart
like the heart of a child,
and as transparent as stream waters.
Give me a generous heart, that does not stop
against the unpleasant things on the way;
a magnanimous heart which gives itself happily to others;
a big and grateful heart
not concerned by little things.

Give me a friendly and humble heart
which loves without expecting love in return;
which knows to give your Son the exclusivity of any love;
a noble heart not bittered by disappointment;
which be generous when a sacrifice might be requested;
which do not freeze against difficulty;
which does not get angered against disdain;
which does not get discouraged against indiference.

But give me a heart that, loving Jesus,
be dragged by an burning stream
towards the more honor and glory of Jesus,
not resting till heavenly glory.

* Feeling a little discouraged here in Viena. Perhaps I need a little more help. Pxxx Lxxx, the person who invited me to come is busy with a presentation to get a position next week. Trying to take the most of this stay. At the end of the day I was better.
* My prayer for Ixxx. I hope he's getting better in the school. He was realy down two days ago.
* My prayer for dad. May he continue finding the way to get better, to feel better.
* My dearest xxx, I still think of you. May my dearest Lord help me forget you a little, pass the page, spend my energies thinking something else.
* I was speaking on Monday with Jxxx Lxxx. He told me to offer myself to be the coordinator of CRISMHOM. This is the fourth person telling me the same. The view is not very encouraging. I'm not in my best moment and accepting this position will bring me the criticism and opposition of Axxx and Jxxx from the very inside of the group. There's only one thing really clear. If I offer myself, it will only be an act of the most free service I have given in many years. Thinking of myself, I'd rather do something else.
* About the advice of Jxxx Lxxx. Make your most beloved friends be around you. Make your dearest Lord be well around you. Be just yourself. Don't change what you would do because somebody tells you that you should not. My dearest Lord. Can you send me for this ministry? Could I possibly feel and realize of Your call to this ministry. I don't have the strength to do it right now. Give me this day my daily bread.

Fri 20080116
* Feeling a little discouraged but willing very much to take all the best out of this visit. I woke up early to work on something that Pxxx suggested me yesterday.
* My prayer for Ixxx. I hope he is getting better these days, getting used to deal with conflictive kids in a school. Let me take a little care of him.
* My prayer for dad, hopping he is getting better.
* My dearest Lord, I'm asking you so many things. Be patient with me. If you want me to be in CRISMHOM as coordinator, please call me. Make me feel that this is my place. Give me the strength to be there.

Sat 20080117
* I think that I could not get the best out of this trip to Viena for different circumstances. Pxxx was busy with other things that on one side I think he is very concerned about (getting a new position in a business school in Paris). So, I understand. I should probably accept it the way it is. Let me get the most out of what I have. We will be working together this morning. The most I'm asking about this is just learn something out of it.
* I have to take some decisions in some short term. About giving this laboratory courses in the morning. This is my best chance to get some teaching experience. My parents don't see it very clear to tell the people of my work to have that extra time.
* My prayer once more for dad and Ixxx. I haven't heard from Ixxx. I hope he might be doing better than the day he spoke to me on the phone. I hope dad is doing also better.
* Yesterday, I went for a walk around Viena. I did very well for I liked it very much. The two people I'm with did not get out but fortunately I did.

Tue 20080120
* When I got back from Viena I called home. I asked for dad. Mum told me that he is getting better. My dearest Lord, thank you for dad feels better. I'll continue praying for him. Thank you very much.
* Getting back to work. It's not a big deal, for I haven't done but work during these vacations.
* Finally, the conclusions out of the working group in Viena were not that bad as I initially anticipated. I think this states some points where I should stop working. There are other that I should still consider.
* These days I've been praying so that my dearest Lord calls me to serve in CRISMHOM. I'm not perhaps in my best moment and I don't feel like pulling onto my shoulder this responsability. May I feel your call. If I offer myself, it will only be to truely serve you and the people of the group.

Wed 20090121
* It is closed then the cycle of the encountering process with Jesus: life, my own life, has a meaning in front of Jesus light. Something I have to do to participate in which He came to do in this world. I have been involved in His task, in this project, making the Kingdom come true. In order to do this, He told us that He would be with us all the days to the end of world and his Spirit would lead us towards the real truth. A Spirit capable to tranform our gifts to be offered in the altar and capable to also transform our lives.

* "Se cierra así el ciclo del encuentro con Jesús: la vida, mi vida, tiene un significado a la luz de Jesús. Algo tengo que hacer yo en lo que Él ha venido a hacer al mundo. He quedado implicado en su tarea, en su proyecto, en la realización del Reino. Para que lo podamos hacer, nos dijo que estaría con nosotros todos los días hasta el fin del mundo, y que su Espíritu nos iría conduciendo hacia la verdad completa. Un Espíritu capaz de transformar los dones que vamos a poner en el altar, y que tiene fuerza para transformar también nuestras vidas".

* My prayer for Ixxx and also for my father. Thank you for the last happenings. I feel encouraged. Thank you for the mail by xxx. He took the initiative to write this time. Let me preserve our friendship, for although he might not be interested in me, he loves me tenderly as a friend. That is precious, but let me understand that it's only about friendship. I may need some more time, but help me preserve it.

Fri 20090123
* Today I feel better. Two nights ago I was worried. I could not sleep well. I felt oppressed. From one side I was feeling like that because of work. It was not a big deal, but I felt oppressed. I cannot avoid it. Today I feel better.
* Thank you, my dearest Lord, for I don't feel so attached to xxx. That is good news. Let me recover my friendship with him. He loves and appreciates me a great deal. So do I. He can offer only his friendship but still, that's a lot to be rejected. Let me recover this. Help me not to feel attached to him.
* My dearest Lord, keep calling me. Let me feel clear about your call to offer myself as a coordinator of CRISMHOM. Let me just give the option.

Give me a heart that, in its love for Jesus,
be conveyed by an overwhelming current
towards the greater honor and glory to Christ Jesus,
and that will never rest until reaching the glory of heaven

Dame un corazón que, en su amor a Jesús,
sea arrastrado por una corriente irresistible
hacia el mayor honor y gloria de Jesucristo,
y no descanse hasta que llegue a la gloria del cielo.

Mon 20080126
* Psalm 24: Lord, make me know your ways. Lord, teach me your paths. Make me walk in your truth, and teach me: for you are God my saviour.
* Today, I did not sleep very well. This time it was not out of worries of my job, or my concern for xxx. This time is about CRISMHOM and offering myself to be its coordinator. I start to experience the hard time of being there. My dearest Lord, I need your help. This is not about what I want. This is about what you want me to do. I choose it to serve you and the people from this community. This is NOT about myself. Send me so, your Holy Spirit to start having clarity about where I am. Let me find my place. Inspire me the appropriate word and action.
* I will never satisfy everyone. So, teach me not to suffer if people that I love disagree. They might eventually leave the group. However, let me not worry about that. Let me worry about doing things properly with your help. If the proposal offered by CRISMHOM is good enough, the people will help and participate.
* I'm starting to suffer the pain that Jxxx Lxxx warned me about: the first opposition will come from inside, from people that you love. Let me be myself in spite of everything. Be with me these days. Surroud me with your presence.
* About starting to teach courses. The time that I may spend is about 8 hours a week during 15 weeks. It seems to me that this is quite some time. Let me choose the right thing. I start to me clearer. Maybe it is not worth.

Wed 20090128
* About accepting the coordination of CRISMHOM. Some days of this week have been particularly hard. Why do you want me in that place? I'm not willing. You told me through some people with big weight that I should be available there. I ask you though, be with me. Make your presense very near me. Give me a well trained tongue that I may know how to say to the weary a world that may rise them. I don't like to confront people. I usually avoid confrontation. However, being in this position will make me face these situations. Maybe You want me to develop this part of myself. However, I ask for your very presence to help me. Nothing has happened with Jxxx yet, that it will.

Mon 200902020
* Thank you my dearest Lord, for the hard situation I was experiencing with Axxx during the past week was over on Saturday. Thank you for being present.
* On Saturday morning, after waking up I was contemplating the situation when I did my trip to Viena. Of how hard it was because I thought I was wasting my time after so long preparation. The person who invited me had to do a presentation to get a position in Paris. A collaborator of him came also. I accepted that I was not getting anything out of the situation but decided with his collaborator to help this professor do his presentation properly. The previous to last day I worked with Txxx-Hxxx (the collaborator) and the morning of last day. We reached our conclusions and found two ways of moving forward. I found the objectives I needed. Thank you my dearest Lord, for after contemplating this situation You showed me that You are with me.
* Thank you for dad is a bit better.
* About xxx. Let me accept that he cannot offer what I need. However, he loves me tenderly as a friend. I think I cannot still develop a friendship with him. I'm still attatched to him. Help me get him out to be friends.

Spiritual Sharing December 2008

Mon 20081215
* My prayer for dad. I saw him yesterday. He was very tired. Let me know what I can do for him. There is still a lot of noise in the family. Make us patient with these undesired situations which expand through time. May we learn something about them. May we find You through them. Still, help us cope with them.
* I told xxx what I felt for him. That was a big step. Thank you for helping me. I still need Your help. I need to protect my heart, keep in touch with other people. I need to keep xxx a little distant from my mind, get to know other people. Give me Your peace. I need to sleep better.
* Thank you for the dinner on Friday. It was a big effort but it was worthwhile. Everyone enjoyed it. I could share playing the piano with them. It was not about showing off but sharing perhaps some of my most intimate self through my own music. I didn't tell them that the core of the program was formed by music that I had composed myself. I didn't want to impress them but share with them some music that moves my heart.

Tue 20081216
* Isaiah 61, 1-2; 10-11:
The spirit of the Lord God has been given to me
for the Lord has annointed me.
He has sent me to bring good news to the poor,
to bind up hearts that are broken;
to proclaim liberty to captives,
freedom to those in prison;
to proclaim a year of favour from the Lord,
I exult for joy in the Lord,
my soul rejoices in my God,
for he has clothed me in the garments of salvation,
like a bridegroom wearing his wreath,
like a bride adorned in her jewels.
For as the earth makes fresh things grow,
as a garden makes seeds spring up,
so will the Lord God make both integrity and praise
spring up in the sight of the nations.

* Yesterday Exxx called me to offer me a job to work with him. I feel praised and taken into account. However, I rejected his offer. The main reason was that the situation of my family. If I have to move to Barcelona for this job, I think that I will get apart my family and also my personal life. I thought this was not the right moment. With all the noise that my family is experiencing in the past year and a half, the only thing we can to is to be joined together.

Mon 20081222
* My prayer for Nxxx. His father was in hospital yesterday. Fortunately, he will be sent home to spend Christmas time. Having a difficult time, taking care of his father. Let me have him in my mind and my prayer.
* I went with dad to a concert on Saturday morning. This was the first concert in four months in which my dad accepted coming. It was very good. I was very happy we did go.
* Saturday night I went to bed late for I went out with a group of people. xxx was there. I could not sleep that night. I spent a horrible Sunday morning. I went for a walk. That was good. I joined my parents for lunch. My father was quite well. Thanks for that. When I left I was still feeling horrible. In the evening I went to see Judas Maccabeus with a group of people. Thank you for this group, especially the presence of Jxxx. They brought me the laugh and optimism that I had lost during the whole day. The concert was good. This was the first time Oxxx went to a concert like this. He enjoyed it very much. We were reading together the text in English. That helped us significantly to enjoy.
* Irrational feelings, just feelings. Not justified by reasons. Having a hard time. Let me learn from them. There's nothing wrong with them. I'm alive, very alive, so alive. Teach me, my dearest Lord to protect a little my heart. Hopefully, xxx is not playing with it. May the peace and love of my dearest Lord be in this situation.

Mon 20081230
* My prayer for dad. May he get better. Let us transmit him some hope.
* I was out of reality. I start to land a little. Let me not concentrate on persons who have shown no interest in me accross the years. Let me concentrate on those who at least have shown some interest.
* May still your infinite love be poured on the people around me. Give me your peace and serenity so that I may transmit Your love and nothing else.
* I feel stupid. I am perhaps stupid. Let me learn out of my errors. Jxxx gave me some good advice. It was hard to talk to him. He was pointing out my errors up to the point of hurting. However, it was good to talk to him.
* My heart is open and vulnerable through different ways. I'm trying to protect it a little. Closing down some of those ways. Help me to resist, not to break down. I feel life is hard. Let me learn out of this situation. Let me enjoy that I feel alive. So much alive as I have not experienced in some time.
* I avoid conflict. I'm good at that. There are two people who have already told me that. I should define myself more clearly. That will lead me to conflict. Let me start living with conflict.
* Thank you for the walk with Dxxx and Axxx yesterday. I'm happy to have seen them together after meeting them for the first time two years ago in San Francisco.

Wed 20081231
* My prayer for dad. He came with us to the concert last night. The ninth symphony by Beethoven. It was great. He enjoyed it very much. He thought of not coming but in the end he came and it was worthwhile. He started the day horribly but improved a little throughout the day.
* My dearest Lord, love me; love me with your infinite love. I need to feel it. You took always the iniciative to encounter me. You call me, You keep track on me. You lead, I follow. You make yourself present and I know it. You surprise me. You ask me who I am. You are interested in me and You make me know it.
* Numbers 6, 22-27
This is how you are to bless the sons os Israel. You shall say to them:

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord let his face shine on you and be gracious to you.
May the Lord uncover his face to you and bring you peace.

This is how they are to call down my name on the sons of Israel, and I will bless them.