Spiritual Sharing March 2009

Mon 20090302
* "Lord, make me know your ways. Lord, teach me your paths. Make me walk in your truth, and teach me; for you are God my saviour".
* My dearest Lord, make yourself very present. I need your help and presence. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong but I've been having a hard time for some months. This past weekend I had a very hard time. I thought I had gone beyond the situation with xxx but it is not true. I felt myself horrible this weekend. I had a night of lack of sleep and a day of hungover as I used to have two months ago. Please, my dearest Lord, help me find a way to overcome this.
* I offer my pain to You. May You convert it in something useful. Make me learn out of it. Be very present in my life these days, I pray You.
* Thank you to my parents. I haven't told them but I know they think I'm not in my best moment. Thank you, for they are attentive and caring.
* Thank you for the meal with my parents. Spending time with my niece a little later. I was willing to leave and do some work. Hopefully I stayed and spent some time with my niece. Thereafter I though of working but I spent another hour and a half going for a walk through the West park near where I live. That was a great idea. Finally I didn't work on Sunday. Maybe this is a message You send me. Let me take some time off to be present, to have a rest. I indeed need it.

Mon 20090303
* Hard working day yesterday. At the end of the day I was feeling better. This was the first time that I felt better after going shopping. I did a dessert to share with the people at work with mum. It was very accidental but it helped me very much to feel better.
* Thank you for two phone calls I recieved yesterday. The first one from Jxxx. I told him that I felt myself falling apart, especially if I had been president of CRISMHOM. He told me that I would have been a great president and I would have never fallen apart because he and the rest of people would have vividly supported me. The second call was from xxx. I thought it would have been better not to have any contact with him in a few months but in fact his call supported me a great deal. I felt myself loved, from the very love of a friend who is concerned and worried about me. I told him that I needed to keep distant with him. He told me that whatever I needed was good for him. I felt that he was by no means thinking of himself but only thinking for the very best of me. I slept better last night. I woke up in the middle of the night but fell asleep again. For the first time in three weeks, the alarm clock woke me up.

Wed 20090304
* Thank you, my dearest Lord for giving me Your peace. Thank you for the phone calls on Monday. Thank you for xxx's call. It gave me your peace. Thank you for my little birthday party with some friends from my university. Thank you very much.

Fri 20090306
* Feeling better. I could sleep 7 unstop hours yesterday and the day before yesterday. I needed so much that sleep. I found myself in peace after such a long turmoil. Let me be patient. I need still to keep distance with xxx before I can see him as a great friend.

Lord, make me know your ways.
Lord, teach me your paths.
Make me walk in your truth, and teach me
for you are God my saviour.

Remember your mercy, Lord,
and the love you have shown from of old.
In your love remember me,
because of your goodness, O Lord.

Mon 20090309
* Thank you my dearest Lord for last week I started to recover the peace. I have xxx very present in my thoughts but I feel peaceful about it. I thank very much his call last Monday for he showed me his friendship love which is inmense. I told him that I needed to keep distant from him and he accepted it. He was only thinking of what could be better for me. He was not thinking at all about himself.
* I went for a walk on my own on Saturday morning and with the family on Sunday morning. The weather was so great. I found the peace that I needed. Thank you for that all.

Tue 20090317
* Waking up a little discouraged this morning. However I'm giving thanks today. Thank you for my family, the children, my brother and his wife, my aunt, my parents. May Your will be done, Your paths accomplished. Let me contemplate the beauty of the love between xxx and I. This friendship love is very big, silent. It was not what I wanted, but let me contemplate it and rejoice in it. "May the Lord bless you", he said. Goodbye for a while. May my dearest Lord let me accept him for what he is, a good friend. Life goes on. Let me thank for what You give me.
* Thank you for Jxxx's talk yesterday. He's going to the African Central Republic. A very demanding project. May my dearest Lord be with him always. May he receive his mission along with the strength and enthusiasm to develop it. You are his great treasure who may be offered to others.

Wed 20090318
* Whatever You want, whenever You want, if ever You want. For You are my dearest Lord and I trust You. My paths are not Your paths. My ways are not Your ways. Your ways are so much higher than mine. You lead, I just follow. I feel the smallest in the world. Give me today, the daily bread, give me Your presence. This was never about me. Let me accept that it is all about You. This is not what I wanted. Take appart this cup from me, but may be will not be done but Yours. Teach me Your paths, for they so much overwhelm mine.
* Thank Youk, thank You; thank You very much; thank You so much, for You chose this very way of giving You (death on a cross) to teach me how to love.
* The encountering process with the Lord is so much NOT about me (what I do or what I fail to do) and so much MORE about You. What You can get out of me. What You did, what You do and what You are so much willing to do for me.
* Foxes have holes and birds have nests. But the son of man has nowhere to lay on his head.
* Thank you for you chose to hide those things to the wise and the learnt and tell them to the simple.
* Let me still trust Your divine providence. You lead, I just follow. Give me the strengh to follow.

Fri 20090320
* I went to the West Park yesterday with my mother. My father was going to come but he finally didn't because he didn't feel well. Mum told me wise things. Let me realize of those things that I have and teach me how to find the joy with them. I'm spending too much effort and time to have things that I may never have or perhaps it is better not to have. Teach me to enjoy what I have. Let me value what I have and take advantage of it. I have plenty and I feel the insatisfaction of nor having what I want. I may never have it or perhaps I will have it but for the time being, teach me, my dearest Lord, to look at the marvels You have given to me and enjoy them. Don't allow me not to enjoy what You have given to me because I'm just thinking of what I want. My dearest Lord, I will never have what I want. It is also good not to have always what I want. Give me what You want, even if it is not what I wish. Let me trust Your criterion. It is a lot wiser than mine.
* My prayer for dad. He was feeling rather bad yesterday.

Tue 20090324
* My dearest Lord, thank You very much for last weekend. I had a great time. I needed it. Thank you very much.
* Jxxx Lxxx asked me yesterday how strong I was feeling concerning my mood. I told him that after the weekend I was feeling well, but I could still not assure that I was fine for I had ups and downs. This morning I did not sleep too much because I arrived home late. This morning I was not feeling so well. Let me enjoy what You have given me: it is a lot.
* My prayer for Ixxx and Oxxx. I saw Ixxx yesterday and he didn't look that great.

Thu 20090326
* John 12, 20-33: "Now my soul is troubled. What shall I say: Father, save me from this hour? But it was for this very reason that I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name!".
* My soul is troubled, my dearest Lord. Your soul is troubled. May I not be troubled? This was not out of selfishness. My soul is troubled for I followed You. I don't feel proud of following You though I know I should. Perhaps I am, but my soul is troubled. This was the very reason that brought You to this world. Should Your soul perhaps not be troubled? It is indeed troubled, it cannot be but troubled. Let me contemplate Your troubled soul and why it is troubled. Troubled out of love for me and for others. Thank you, my dearest Lord for Your soul is troubled. Troubled out of the unhapiness of many, out of sympathy for many.