Spiritual Sharing May 2008

Tue 20080506
* Thank you for the spiritual exercises the past weekend. Also because Pxxx found my PDA (I had lost it).
* Today I feel tired. I didn't sleep well last night. I had recovered my sleep during the exercises and now I have lost it in two days. I feel oppressed. After the exercises I was thinking of doing some kind of voluntary work. The conclusion is that for the moment I'm dying after the first work day and can't see much progress during the week. Let me wait a little and reconsider with more time and peace.
* Let me relax and be peaceful. Perhaps this is the best way of being efficient too.
* I was really tired yesterday in the jesuit group meeting. I enjoyed very much the mass. I thank my parents for having left all the things at home. Thank you Pxxx, for finding my PDA.

Thu 20080508
* Feeling very tired this week. I had recovered during the retreat last week. However, from Sunday to Monday I did not sleep well. Monday was a horrible day at work and I could not sleep well either.
* I will finally see Axxx this evening. My prayer for him. We will have a simple talk. I hope it helps him to step forward.
* About finding Sxxx and Exxx with Lxxx: an old friend from New York. We had dinner together. We just ran accross each other.
* About the conversation with Jxxx Lxxx on Tuesday. Realizing once more about how great my dearest Lord has been with me. Jxxx Lxxx reminded me again about having contact with the most poor through some sort of voluntary work. He told me to contemplate the life of Jesus. To start speaking not as much about my dearest Lord, but my dearest brother Jesus. Involving my relationship with God as a disciple, in the midst of other disciples and with Jesus as my older brother. I worked out a lot the possibility of starting a voluntary work during the past retreat. I still feel very busy. May my dearest brother Jesus invade with his presence and company so that I cannot but go with him to do some voluntary work. Help me figure out which one it should be.

Fri 20080509
* My prayer for Axxx. I met him yesterday and tried to cheer him up. I didn't find him well. Let me follow him up so that at least he doesn't feel alone.
* John 20,19-23:
As the father has sent me,
So am I sending you.
Receive the Holy Spirit

Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful, and kindle in them the fire of your love.

No one can say, "Jesus is Lord" unless he is under the influence of the Holy Spirit.

Come, Thou Father of the poor,
Come, Thou, light of all that live!
Thou, of all consolers best.
Visit Thou these hearts of thine.
Heal our wounds, our strength renew.
On our dryness pour thy dew.
Melt the frozen, warm the chill.
Guide the steps that go astray.

Mon 20080519
* About Exxx, getting back to Venezuela. Hard experiences, failure, a heart attack to his mother. May my dearest Lord make his rute beside him. I simply walked along his side for a few months. That was a hard and difficult path. May my dearest Lord find some other ones to walk along his path so that he may be one of those who walk along one of those little ones preferred of my dearest Lord. Having dinner together after looking for a flight back to Venezuela. Going with some other people on Thursday evening to see the fireworks at the Retiro commemorating San Isidro's feast. Maybe I should not search that much how to find those needed of my Lord. I have them already. May my dearest Lord tell me something with him.
* About finishing the reduced version of my paper to send to Risk. I have still to review it a little but that's done after working on it a couple of days.
* About going to visit Exxx and Exxx and the little Mxxx this weekend. Thank you for their welcome and company. Playing with the little Mxxx. Sometimes I think that the reason why my brother's little Mxxx does not pay attention to me is because there's too much competition and because I'm not giving my time out, for whatever reason or activity. I'm always thinking of doing something else. When being with Mxxx this weekend, I had nothing to do but being with her. Maybe I should look for this.

Thu 20080522
* About the conversation I had with Jxxx Lxxx on Tuesday. He insists on contemplating the life of my dearest Jesus so that I eventually fall in love with him. This is about living the brotherhood, getting progressively closer to the most poor, the little ones, the forgotten. About living the brotherhood with Jesus and my other brothers and sisters. Falling in love with my older brother so that I realize of my other brothers and sisters. There must change something in my life. I'm not there. I don't have time to spend with those more in need (also my family). This is not spontaneous. May my dearest Jesus allow me to fall in love with him so that I may realize of my brothers and sisters. Specially those in need. I know where I am, my dearest Lord has given me the gift of knowning that my foundation is Him. I cannot explain who I am without Him. May my dearest Jesus disclose that love towards the people. Not a foolish love but a concrete one. The love that is expressed through actions and thoughts, words and presence, time and money.
* My prayer for Exxx. May he find his way. My opinion is that his way is not in Spain now. He still thinks that it is here. May our older Brother let him know his way. My prayer also for her mother, who suffered a heart attack a few months ago.

Mon 20080526
* My prayer for Jxxx, she will go soon to New York and she's lost one of her big motivations. My prayer for Axxx and Ixxx.
* About having lunch on Saturday with Jxxx and Pxxx. Playing a little with my niece, enjoying the little Pxxx.
* About the meeting at CRISMHOM. I enjoyed considerably the atmosphere that was created, the final prayer. Going later to have dinner. When I was leaving, Lxxx and Jxxx told me that they wanted to invite Jxxx Lxxx and me to have dinner with them. I liked the invitation.
* About going to the party on Saturday night. Sxxx and Exxx called me. It was an open party. Rxxx and Pxxx were there too. They invited me to meet Rxxx's gay friends. They were very amusing. I met though someone who I liked and would be interested in getting closer.
* About having a little apperitive on Sunday morning with Sxxx, Exxx, Rxxx and Pxxx. Getting updated with their news. Many things have happened.
* About having lunch with my aunt. I guess she enjoyed it very much. I did too. I went to the meeting of the board of directors of CRISMHOM. I realized that I did not coordinate very well the contact with the receivers of the Rainbow prize. About Jxxx and Axxx talking care of me for I was a bit upset. Axxx offered to write the meeting report to help me.
* On Friday, Pxxx left the bank Santander. He is very young but in two years he's done a lot of very interesting work. In his last presentation, he 1 thanked me in public that his work was well backed in my paper. For the first time, people start to realize of what I finished to write and research a year ago. The head of quants asked me to have a meeting about the hybrids this Wednesday. He did not listened to me a year ago when I presented to him the same work. Now he is interested.

Wed 20080528
* Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart.
* Matthew 11, 25-30:

Jesus exclaimed: "I bless You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for hiding these things to the learned and the clever and revealing them to the simple. Yes, Father, for that is what it pleased you to do. Everything has been entrusted to me by my Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father, just as no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him".

"Come to me, all you who labour and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Yes, my yoke is easy and my burden light".

* 1 John 4,7-16:

"Everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Anyone who fails to love can never have known God, because God is love"

Thu 20080529
* CRISMHOM gave a prize to an intitution that originally accepted it. However, some conditions about the visivility of the event were clarified and this institution rejected the prize. The president wrote a letter to answer, but it was not formally appropriate. I sent the letter because it was the president had authority to do it but now I think I should have stopped that letter.
* About having the impression that I'm not taking the right decision.
* Concerning the decisions about sending the letter to the CONFER, I sent it because I submitted to the authority of the president. I would never have sent it on my own account.

Sat 20080531
* About the phone call to Pxxx after the party before his marriage next week. He finished badly at the end of the night. He didn't drink too much and he ate a lot but at the end of the night he was very drunk. I brought him back home in a taxi with two more people. There must be something wrong with the food because he was vomitting the whole night and the following day. This is the first time in which Pxxx told me about being very stressed at work during the week. The stress combined with low defenses have made him fall sick badly. This is the first time I see Pxxx showing me how he feels. He thanked me for calling, for having taken him back home the previous night. I don't usually trust Pxxx very much. He is not transparent. I have the impression that he is hiding things to me. This is the first time I did not have that impression. Thank you my Lord for this.