Spiritual Sharing August 2007

Sat 20070804
* It's been a long time since the last time I wrote here. I lost my PDA, I went on vacations. I have just bought a new one and the following day I start writing.
* Thank you very much for the vacacions. For the presence of Jxxx Lxxx and the group of his parish. I had a good time.
* Thank you so much for finishing the paper. I feel now really released. This paper was weighting on me too much. Now I remember that the first idea started by February or March of last year. It's been a long time. I started writing at Christmas time. It's already been six months. Finally, I like the paper. It is the best work I have done since I starting in the Financial Mathematics field. I'm very satisfied with it. I sent it to the Journal of Mathematical Finance. I also sent it to some people around the world, to the people in my department and the head of the Front Office.
* About the conversation I had with Pxxx Fxxx. It was very informative. Now I'm thinking of moving into the front office from the risk department. It's something Exxx suggested me more than a month and a half ago. However, it is now when I see more clearly that I may do it. Pxxx helped me a lot to clarify me.
* Praying for Jxxx. May you be with her, so that she can clearly identify what she wants.

Mon 20080806
* Genesis 18, 20-32:
"How great an outcry there is against Sodom and Gomorrah! How grevious is their sin! I propose to go down and see whether or nt they have done all that is alleged in the aoutcry against them that has come up to me, I am determined to know.

The men left there and went to Sodom while Abraham remained standing before the Lord. Aproaching him he said: 'Are you really going to destroy the just man with the sinner? Perpahs there are fifty just men in the town. Will you really overwhelm them, will you not spare the place for the fifty just men in it? Do no think of doing such a thing: to kill the just man with the sinner, treating just and sinner alike! Do not think of it! Will the judge of the whole earth not administer justice?' The Lord replied, 'If at Sodom I find fifty just men, I will spare the whole place because of them'.

Abraham replied, 'I am bold indeed to speak like this to my Lord, I who am dust and ashes. But perhaps the fifty just men lack five: will you destroy the whole city for five?', 'No he replied, 'I will not destroy it if I find forty-five just men there'.

* Contemplating the figure of Abraham. When everyone leaves to go to Sodom and Gomorrah to check whether they were or not guilty, Abraham stays there until everyone has left. Looking how Abraham is alone with the Lord. Contemplating the silence connected by the feelings of their hearts. Of how Abraham aproaches the Lord. He approaches him like a very close friend. Contemplating the intimacy between Abraham and the Lord. Enjoying the silence between them. Of how Abraham asks his Lord, how can you kill the innocent for the sins of the guilty?. Of how Abraham negociates so humbly with the Lord the saving of those just men. Of how the Lord always confirms Abrahma that he will save the whole city in attention of those fair one in it. Contemplating the humbleness of Abraham when daring to challenge his Lord.

Wed 20070808
* From Luke 12, 32-48:
"Happy those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. I tell you solemnly, he will put on an apron, sit them down at table and wait on them".

"When a man has had a great deal given him, a great deal will be demanded of him; when a man has had a great deal given him on trust, even more will be expected of him".
* My dearest Lord, you have given me a great deal. Let me value it. Let me be ready to respond to Your call and Your demand.

Mon 20070813
* Thank you for this weekend. I went with my parents and my grandmother to a little village in Guadalajara (where my grandmother was born). We spent some time in a swimming pool. My grandmother enjoyed being with us. I slept well and had some rest. I could swim both Saturday and Sunday. I went to mass with my father on Sunday.
* On Saturday afternoon, we all went to the swimming pool and found Dxxx and his girlfrind, Ixxx and Jxxx. Meeting Dxxx's girlfriend from Morocco. She is a nice woman. She only speaks French and noone but Dxxx speaks French in this little village. I spoke to her in French and she was so thankful to find someone to speak to. Dxxx has stayed in Agadir (Morocco) for more than three years now. I was very happy to come across all this people.
* My prayer for Cxxx. May Exxx take some rest in Torremolinos. My prayer for Pxxx and her baby.
* About the concluding words of the priest at the end of the mass:
* From Luke 12, 32-48:
"Happy those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. I tell you solemnly, he will put on an apron, sit them down at table and wait on them".
* Thank you my dearest Lord. I had a good rest this weekend.

Thu 20080816
* About Sxxx. She is loosing her faith. She is loosing her trust in You and before, probably in her. From what she does, is there anything wrong? Is she asking for things properly? Is she asking for the right things? Maybe she is doing everything well. Maybe it's simply about You wanting something we cannot understand. May she trust and continue working with the same excellence that characterizes her. Why with excellence?, there's no result. Still with excellence, because that's what allows us to trust. My prayer for her. She's been already too long in a hard situation.
she feels as if she won't get out easily from it.
* About the piece of advice from Lxxx Rxxx. If noone pays attention to your developments and publications, don't complain. Don't become a wird worker. Inform all the people who should know about your developments and continue doing your work with the excellence that characterizes you. Whenever you find something better, change jobs.
* About searching for a couple. It feels estrange. Preparing a profile in a contact page. Will I find someone?. I don't know but I'm putting the means out. I'm doing my best. At this point, this is enough.

Mon 20070820
* My prayer for Cxxx. May she spend a good summer.
* About spending both Saturday and Sunday lunch and afternoon with my grandmother and my parents. Maybe, that is too much but I guess that it was so much better for them.
* Feeling a little strage about meeting people through a contact page. On one side, it is possible to meet people but on the other side, it seems like when one is not interested in someone, it is quite difficult to say so. Let me be careful and loving when doing it.
* About spending too much time in the internet this weekend. Being too curious about the responses.
* I stayed about 20 minutes after mass yesterday in the presence of my dearest Lord. I enjoyed that moment. Thank you for enjoying being in the presence of my dearest Lord.
* Still contemplating Abraham in the presence of the Lord when everyone had left for Sodom and Gomorrah. Remembering still that precious dialog between Abraham and the Lord.
* About the postcard from Jxxx Lxxx. Wishing him to have a good time in New York.

Tue 20080821
* My dearest Lord, keep me very near You. So that I may say and do things as in your presence, especially when talking and getting to know the people from a contact webpage. I will get hurt most likely. However, let me do my best not to hurt anyone
* Letter of Saint Paul to the Hebrews: 12, 5-7; 11-13:

Have you forgotten that encouraging text in which you are addressed as sons? My son, when the Lord corrects you, do not treat it lightly; but do not get discouraged when he reprimands you. For the Lord trains the ones that he loves and he punishes all those that he acknowledges as his sons. Suffering is part of your training; God is treating you as his sons. Has there ever been any son whose father did not train him?. Of course, any punishment is most painful at the time, and far from pleasant; but later, in those on whom it has been used, it bears fruit in peace and goodness. So hold up your limp arms and steady your trembling knees and smooth out the path you tread; then the injured limb will not be wrenched, it will grow strong again.

* With all this meeting process it is certain that I'm going to have difficult times. This is not all about having fun (at least in the way I'm trying to do it). Avoiding pain or difficulty is probably not very sensible. I will also have good moments. This is all about a training process. Exploring new experiences. Trials and errors. Let my dearest Lord be present in the midst of this new step. I'm sure my dearest Lord agrees that it is the right moment to do this.

Fri 20070824
* About visiting Pxxx and Jxxx. I enjoyed very much all the changes that they have done in Chamartín. It was a pleasure to be with them and also with Mxxx. I saw Pxxx tired.
* Rm 14,7-9:
Porque ninguno de nosotros vive para sí ni ninguno muere para sí: si vivimos, vivimos para el SeÑor, y si morimos, morimos para el SeÑor. Para eso murió el Mesías y recobró la vida, para tener seÑorío sobre vivos y muertos.

For no one amoung us lives for oneself and no one of us dies for oneself. If we live, we live for the Lord and if we die, we die for the Lord. That's why the Mesiah died and recovered live, so that He could take ownership over dead and living.
* My dearest Lord, let me experience that I belong to You and not to me. Be very close to me. Especially now, that I'm in searching process and meeting new people to find a partner.

Mon 20070827
* Thank you for this weekend. My prayer for Cxxx. Thinking of her.
* About having dinner with Sxxx and Exxx on Saturday. It was a good occation to be with them. Telling them about my B plan. Listening their advice.
* Watching the movie "De Lovely" with Exxx and the rest of the family. I did not finish the movie but I enjoyed it so much. I enjoyed especially how my aunt was enjoying it. I was enjoying her enjoyment.
* About meeting Axxx on Sunday late afternoon. This is the first person I meet from the contact page. I enjoyed a lot talking to him. I felt comfortable with him. He is not very sophisticated but very good people. I liked his smile and his face. I could see slightly teary eyes when I told him about my experiences about the divine providence. Mine were teary too. He asked me whether I was getting moved for what I was saying. I told him that what I was saying was indeed very moving.
* Taking with Exxx on Sunday night.

Wed 20080829
* Luke 13, 22-30:
Through towns and villages Jesus went teaching, making his way to Jerusalem. Someone said to him, 'Sir, will there be only a few saved?' He said to them, 'Try your best to enter by the narrow door, because, I tell you, many will try to enter and will not succeed.
'Once the master of the house has got up and locked the door, you may find yourself knocking on the door, saying, Lord, open to us, but he will answer, I do not know where you come from. Then you will find yourself saying, We once ate and drank in your company; you taught in our streets, but he will replay, I do not know where you come from. Away from be, all you wicked men!"
* About the people who ask "Sir, will there be only a few saved". This is the question who interests those you do not know You, my dearest Lord. Those who are not even interested in knowing You. Those who are only interested in "getting saved" but haven't discovered who You are. Those who are more concerned about what is to be done to be among the elected but are not moved by love (they are more afraid than loving, looking for some insurance for the future). They ate with you, heard Your teaching and spend their years doing "external" things but did not realize who You are (that is hard but so much worth). They did not search the narrow door. Behind the narrow door is the style of humility who gets to know my dearest Lord. Of whose who were never interested to follow that path, they will find that when they want to ask for all the "rights" they have earned (we ate with you, spent time with you ...), my dearest Lord does not know them because they never knew who He was.
* For those times in which we cannot recognize our own friends. They have been with us in many situations but we can only think that 'I don't know where you come from'.

Fri 20080831
* Ecclesiasticus 3,17-20; 28-29
"My son, be gentle in carrying out your business,
and you will be better loved than a lavish giver. The greater you are, the more you should behave humbly, and then you will find favour with the Lord; for great though the power of the Lord is, he accepts the homage of the humble.

There is no cure for the proud man's malady, since an evil growth has taken root in him. The heart of a sensible man will reflect on parables, an attentive ear is the sage's dream".
* My dearest Lord, make me humble. The more You make me, the allow me to behave humbly. You accept the homage of the humble.