Spiritual Sharing October 2007

Spiritual Sharing October 2007

Mon 20071001
* My prayer for Cxxx. May my dearest Lord be with her and her family.
* Thank you very much for this weekend. I had a very good time. I felt your presence very near.
* Contemplating the scene when Fxxx asked me about the reading she had to read in her friend's weddding. She didn't understand the reading and asked me about it. This reading greatly moves my heart. I explained to her in a very spontaneous way. This is the story of Rut, of how she would not leave alone another woman, after her husband and sons died. "I will be buried wherever you would be buried", "I won't leave you alone".
* About the general assembly at CRISMHOM. Most of the people were there. It was worth though tiring. After four hours and a half, I was indeed tired and not willing to do much. Still, this meeting was the reason why I did not go to Loyola in my jesuit group pilgrimage. I could not attend Sxxx's birthday that very night (too many activities).
* About Exxx's party celebrating his doctoral thesis. Nice atmosphere, good people, both from the bank and other friends from Exxx's infance in his village. I liked very much the little comment Lxxx told me. He is from Senegal and he left the country when he was 16 to study in France. So did his wife (also from Senegal). He told me that he missed his country, the atmosphere, the people, his parents, the rest of his family (most of his brothers are in France). He was thinking of perhaps returning some time ... This comment moved me.
* About the conversation with Pxxx about messages to be delivered through music or other means. Should they be received by others? If noone received it, does it mean that the original message is not deep or worthwhile? I was thinking that a moving message should always be received by someone. Pxxx thought that it may not be received, and that would not invalidate the message. Maybe he was right. I was thinking, perhaps, more on those messages of my dearest Lord. If they come from my dearest, they always get their destination.
* I stayed till seven in the morning with all this people. I had a great time. It's been a long time since I haven't done this. It was worth, I had a great time.
* About getting up the following morning at 11 (I slept only four hours). I woke up and did not want to waste the rest of the day. I had a coffe and went to mass. I found Axxx there. I enjoyed sharing the mass with him. He told me about a group of singers, friends of him who were singing at a jazz club that evening. He was not sure whether he was going. I told him that I would go with him. We had again a great time.
* I went to see Sxxx after the mass to give her a little detail I had bought for her birthday. She invited me the previous night but with all the activities and Exxx's party, I could not go. She didn't mind. I had a coffee with her. She has good plans for this year. Things getting organized. I was happy to hear all that.
* I spent the rest of the afternoon having lunch with my grandmother, my aunt and my father. I had a little nap after lunch but I could not sleep. About my thoughts during that nap. The presence of my dearest Lord was there. I enjoyed it. Contemplating some moments of the previous night.
* About the concert at Clamores on Sunday night. Talking to Axxx. We ran accross Jxxx too. It was great to listen to that group of five voices orchestrating everything with their voices.

Thu 20071011
* Thank you very much for the past weekend in Barcelona visiting Exxx. I sent to him the notes I took when doing my last spiritual exercises. Feeling that my friendship to him is increasing. After working with him for a couple of years and having a hard time with him, it seems that we are building on top of that solidly. Also enjoying the presence of Mxxx and the visit to Axxx in Reus. Willing him all the best for the examination to be part of the diplomatic group.

Mon 20071015
* About sleeping properly, the last couple of days. I needed it.
* My prayer for Txxx and the whole family. Also for the family of Lxxx Oxxx Bxxx. They passed away a week and a half ago. Txxx was devastated. It happened unexpectedly from one day to the following. May my dearest Lord be with the families.
* About the meal with my little Axxx. I was doubting whether I was getting progressively closer to him. There was another person who appealed me but I was not sure whether he was gay. This week I'm thinking more about Axxx. Let me progressively get clarity about my feelings.
* My prayer for my aunt. She is taking care of my grandmother who is getting worse little by little. Living with my grandmother is very hard. She is demanding all the time the attention of my aunt. She does not quite allow her to sleep. My grandmother does not realize, but my aunt is getting to the limit anyone may stand. My family is trying to help out.

Thu 20071018
* My prayer for the family and friends of Lxxx. I was in his funeral yesterday evening. It was very moving. Sitting beside Jxxx (a friend from the university).

* Timothy 3, 14; 4, 2:
All scripture is inspired by God and can profitably be used for teaching, for refuting error, for guiding people's lives and teaching them to be holy.

Before God and before Christ Jesus who is to be judge of the living and the dead, I put this duty to you, in the name of his Appearing and of his kingdom: proclaim the message and welcome or unwelcome, insist on it. Refute falsehool, correct error, call to obedience (but do all with patience and with the intention of teaching).
* Thinking of Jxxx Lxxx telling me the other day that he is discerning whether to leave CRISMHOM. He is discerning well, allowing You to speak. Contemplating the calling of Jxxx Lxxx to be with us a couple of years ago: "Before God and before Christ Jesus, I put this duty to you, in the name of his Appearing and of his kingdom". May the will of my dearest Lord be done, His paths accomplished. Whatever You want, whenever You want, if ever You want.

Fri 20071019
* My prayer for Txxx, for the whole family. Yesterday I went to the funeral of Lxxx Cxxx. May you be with them. I saw Txxx a lot better than in the tanatory. She could speak to us, giving thanks and asking for help from above. May that help of her very loved ones decend upon her and the rest of the family through You Holy Spirit. May we all be Your messengers.

Mon 20071022
* So many activities during this weekend. Thank you for your presence. My dearest prayer for Txxx and the whole family. "I went to a funeral this past Thursday. The husband of that woman, good friend of my mother, who I once kissed (a kiss from my dearest Lord) during a retreat, has passsed away. This couple that I contemplated walking together peacefully with their hands joined. He went to bed with her and the following morning you had already called and joined him". May all the peace and strength of my dearest Lord, be given to Txxx and this whole family, though all of us and the power of You Holy Spirit.
* Thank you for the life review last Saturday at CRISMHOM. New people, nice people, getting to know each other, sharing life and faith. Going to dance (for the first time in two years after a CRISMHOM meeting). Having a great time with them. About coming across Fxxx at the gay pub where we were dancing. She is a member of my group at work. I had lunch with her on Friday. I didn't mind coming across her. Now, she most likely can imagine that I'm gay. Maybe she will tell other people, maybe not. I don't mind. I'm now ready to let other people now. I don't mind they may find out.
* About the afternoon I spent with my little Axxx. I introduced him to my little girls. I think they liked each other. Thank you for the meal, and the coffe. We went to a square and let the sun heat us up. A wonderful day. He showed me his house. We hugged and kissed each other.
* About joining in Jxxx Hxxx's house in Sevilla la Nueva. I like seeing the people, enjoying Jxxx's little baby girl. Thank you for their hospitality.

Tue 20071023
* My prayer for Exxx, so that she can cope living and encouraging my grandmother.
* I enjoyed the meeting at my jesuit group. I was very tired. It was about developing the imagination as a means of encountering the Lord. I was closing my eyes quite often. Bringing back some images of my little Axxx when we hugged each other. I liked the mass. Praying for the families of Txxx and Lxxx Oxxx. I went to the funerals last week. The daughter of Lxxx was there. Giving thanks for all the missionaries around the world. Especially for Jxxx Mxxx in Tiébissou.
* About thinking of proposing my little Axxx to come along with me to mass to the parish of Pxxx in "El Pozo del Huevo" (a very conflictive neighbourhood in Madrid). He does not go to mass but I would like him to come with me.
* About Pxxx speaking yesterday about keeping wealth, disputing with others because of money, having all that we need to live without my dearest Lord. How can I live without my dearest? Pxxx was getting almost angry from time to time talking about this. I wonder sometimes why. Perhaps it is because he has seen so much misery in so many different places. Yes, that might be the reason.

Mon 20071029
* My prayer for Axxx. I didn't know he was in the middle of such an existencial crisis. He needs a friend. May You be his friend, my dearest Lord. May he allow You to be his friend. Indeed he is allowing You. He finds comfort and answers when going to mass. May I be his friend. Let me take some care on him. Simple calls, simple messages. Some company when going together to mass. May my dearest Lord be with him. May he know, may he realize.

Recuerde el alma dormida,
avive el seso y despierte
contemplando
cómo se pasa la vida,
cómo se viene la muerte
tan callando;
cuán presto se va el placer,
cómo ;después de acordado (vuelto en sí)
da dolor,
cómo a nuestro parecer
cualquiera tiempo pasado fue mejor.

* This reading brings my father to my mind. He is 70 and I think he starts to realize that the end is not so far. I don't want him to think too much about this. However, I want to think and feel about this. Maybe because I still see it far, but I want to realize about the teachings of the end of life.

May we know the shortness of my life,
that we may gain wisdom of heart.

"cuán presto se va el placer, cómo después de acordado (vuelto en sí), da dolor".

"how fast the pleasure disappears!, how once back to our mind, gives us pain!"
* Let me find pleasure that does not disappear. The pleasure that back to my own mind is still a great pleasure.

Tue 20071030
* Departing to the Holy Land. Good impressions. Nice people.
* I saw Axxx pretty bad on Sunday. He's really discouraged. He's lost the charm of life. His partner is not helping him much. Feeling compassion and worry for him. I told him about my little Axxx and he told me about his state. He shared very intimate things with me. I felt very empathic. When saying goodbye, I hugged him tightly. Today I sent him an SMS message. I'll pray for him these days. May my dearest Lord be with him. May I convey Your presence to him.
* Thanks very much for Pxxx is fine. She went to the hospital last week. A potential problem during her pregnancy. Nothing serious but she must take care of herself.
* Meeting my little Axxx once more on Sunday. I feel very welll with him. It's been already a couple of weeks since I haven't called anyone else. Feeling comfortable with him. Feeling like hugging and touching him. I sent a message to him this morning and he answered back. He is happy and peaceful. He is respecting my own rythms. He's not forcing anything. I progressively start to think of him more and more often.
* My parents brought me this morning to the meeting point for the Holy Land journey.

Ved de cuán poco valor
son las cosas tras que andamos
y corremos,
que en este mundo traidor
aun primero que muramos
las perdemos:
de ellas deshace la edad,
de ellas casos desastrados
que acaecen,
de ellas, por su calidad,
en los más altos estados
desfallecen.

See of how little value
are the things towards we walk
and run,
which in this cruel world
still before we die,we loose.