Spiritual Sharing January 2009

Mon 20090105
* My dearest Lord, my prayer for dad. Yesterday he woke up horribly. Throughout the day, he hopefully improved. We went to the cinema at the end of the day. I think he enjoyed it. What can we do? Inspire me what to do, what to think, what to pray.
* Thank you for the iniciative of xxx. I liked very much that he thought of me on New Year's Eve. I was not sure of joining. I thought of it for some time. In the end, I joined and I was happy to have done so. I was not hangovered the following day and I could sleep rather well. Thank you, my dearest Lord, for you gave me a good criterion to go on.

Thu 20080108
* Last Friday Mxxx and Pxxx came to my parent's home for a little visit. I got out of work a little earlier to be with them. We spent a couple of hours together. Mxxx wanted to talk to me for a little while on our own. She asked me whether I would be willing to look after her and Pxxx if something happened to them. Mxxx is the niece of my grandmother, the very one who taught me to play the piano. Mxxx has been taking care of her mother ever since her mother got a brain attack and lost her mind. She has visited her every day for several years and so has done Pxxx. They have noone. Pxxx's family does not want to know anything about him. So, Mxxx was asking me to manage their funds and look after them if something happened to them.

* I'm thinking what to anwer. Is it perhaps possible, being in your presence, to say no? They trust me, they love me. I have corresponded that love ever since a few years ago. I'm not indifferent to them. My dearest grandma, what wouldn't you have done for Mxxx? Looking for a residence where they can well be. Visiting them from time to time. That's all they are asking me for.
* This is an important moment in our friendship story: a switching point between past and future. Mxxx has shown me her trust and love in a very special way. This only means that our link will strengthen, get deeper. How could I possibly say no?

Thu 20080115

Oh dear Virgin Mary
give me a pure and open heart
like the heart of a child,
and as transparent as stream waters.
Give me a generous heart, that does not stop
against the unpleasant things on the way;
a magnanimous heart which gives itself happily to others;
a big and grateful heart
not concerned by little things.

Give me a friendly and humble heart
which loves without expecting love in return;
which knows to give your Son the exclusivity of any love;
a noble heart not bittered by disappointment;
which be generous when a sacrifice might be requested;
which do not freeze against difficulty;
which does not get angered against disdain;
which does not get discouraged against indiference.

But give me a heart that, loving Jesus,
be dragged by an burning stream
towards the more honor and glory of Jesus,
not resting till heavenly glory.

* Feeling a little discouraged here in Viena. Perhaps I need a little more help. Pxxx Lxxx, the person who invited me to come is busy with a presentation to get a position next week. Trying to take the most of this stay. At the end of the day I was better.
* My prayer for Ixxx. I hope he's getting better in the school. He was realy down two days ago.
* My prayer for dad. May he continue finding the way to get better, to feel better.
* My dearest xxx, I still think of you. May my dearest Lord help me forget you a little, pass the page, spend my energies thinking something else.
* I was speaking on Monday with Jxxx Lxxx. He told me to offer myself to be the coordinator of CRISMHOM. This is the fourth person telling me the same. The view is not very encouraging. I'm not in my best moment and accepting this position will bring me the criticism and opposition of Axxx and Jxxx from the very inside of the group. There's only one thing really clear. If I offer myself, it will only be an act of the most free service I have given in many years. Thinking of myself, I'd rather do something else.
* About the advice of Jxxx Lxxx. Make your most beloved friends be around you. Make your dearest Lord be well around you. Be just yourself. Don't change what you would do because somebody tells you that you should not. My dearest Lord. Can you send me for this ministry? Could I possibly feel and realize of Your call to this ministry. I don't have the strength to do it right now. Give me this day my daily bread.

Fri 20080116
* Feeling a little discouraged but willing very much to take all the best out of this visit. I woke up early to work on something that Pxxx suggested me yesterday.
* My prayer for Ixxx. I hope he is getting better these days, getting used to deal with conflictive kids in a school. Let me take a little care of him.
* My prayer for dad, hopping he is getting better.
* My dearest Lord, I'm asking you so many things. Be patient with me. If you want me to be in CRISMHOM as coordinator, please call me. Make me feel that this is my place. Give me the strength to be there.

Sat 20080117
* I think that I could not get the best out of this trip to Viena for different circumstances. Pxxx was busy with other things that on one side I think he is very concerned about (getting a new position in a business school in Paris). So, I understand. I should probably accept it the way it is. Let me get the most out of what I have. We will be working together this morning. The most I'm asking about this is just learn something out of it.
* I have to take some decisions in some short term. About giving this laboratory courses in the morning. This is my best chance to get some teaching experience. My parents don't see it very clear to tell the people of my work to have that extra time.
* My prayer once more for dad and Ixxx. I haven't heard from Ixxx. I hope he might be doing better than the day he spoke to me on the phone. I hope dad is doing also better.
* Yesterday, I went for a walk around Viena. I did very well for I liked it very much. The two people I'm with did not get out but fortunately I did.

Tue 20080120
* When I got back from Viena I called home. I asked for dad. Mum told me that he is getting better. My dearest Lord, thank you for dad feels better. I'll continue praying for him. Thank you very much.
* Getting back to work. It's not a big deal, for I haven't done but work during these vacations.
* Finally, the conclusions out of the working group in Viena were not that bad as I initially anticipated. I think this states some points where I should stop working. There are other that I should still consider.
* These days I've been praying so that my dearest Lord calls me to serve in CRISMHOM. I'm not perhaps in my best moment and I don't feel like pulling onto my shoulder this responsability. May I feel your call. If I offer myself, it will only be to truely serve you and the people of the group.

Wed 20090121
* It is closed then the cycle of the encountering process with Jesus: life, my own life, has a meaning in front of Jesus light. Something I have to do to participate in which He came to do in this world. I have been involved in His task, in this project, making the Kingdom come true. In order to do this, He told us that He would be with us all the days to the end of world and his Spirit would lead us towards the real truth. A Spirit capable to tranform our gifts to be offered in the altar and capable to also transform our lives.

* "Se cierra así el ciclo del encuentro con Jesús: la vida, mi vida, tiene un significado a la luz de Jesús. Algo tengo que hacer yo en lo que Él ha venido a hacer al mundo. He quedado implicado en su tarea, en su proyecto, en la realización del Reino. Para que lo podamos hacer, nos dijo que estaría con nosotros todos los días hasta el fin del mundo, y que su Espíritu nos iría conduciendo hacia la verdad completa. Un Espíritu capaz de transformar los dones que vamos a poner en el altar, y que tiene fuerza para transformar también nuestras vidas".

* My prayer for Ixxx and also for my father. Thank you for the last happenings. I feel encouraged. Thank you for the mail by xxx. He took the initiative to write this time. Let me preserve our friendship, for although he might not be interested in me, he loves me tenderly as a friend. That is precious, but let me understand that it's only about friendship. I may need some more time, but help me preserve it.

Fri 20090123
* Today I feel better. Two nights ago I was worried. I could not sleep well. I felt oppressed. From one side I was feeling like that because of work. It was not a big deal, but I felt oppressed. I cannot avoid it. Today I feel better.
* Thank you, my dearest Lord, for I don't feel so attached to xxx. That is good news. Let me recover my friendship with him. He loves and appreciates me a great deal. So do I. He can offer only his friendship but still, that's a lot to be rejected. Let me recover this. Help me not to feel attached to him.
* My dearest Lord, keep calling me. Let me feel clear about your call to offer myself as a coordinator of CRISMHOM. Let me just give the option.

Give me a heart that, in its love for Jesus,
be conveyed by an overwhelming current
towards the greater honor and glory to Christ Jesus,
and that will never rest until reaching the glory of heaven

Dame un corazón que, en su amor a Jesús,
sea arrastrado por una corriente irresistible
hacia el mayor honor y gloria de Jesucristo,
y no descanse hasta que llegue a la gloria del cielo.

Mon 20080126
* Psalm 24: Lord, make me know your ways. Lord, teach me your paths. Make me walk in your truth, and teach me: for you are God my saviour.
* Today, I did not sleep very well. This time it was not out of worries of my job, or my concern for xxx. This time is about CRISMHOM and offering myself to be its coordinator. I start to experience the hard time of being there. My dearest Lord, I need your help. This is not about what I want. This is about what you want me to do. I choose it to serve you and the people from this community. This is NOT about myself. Send me so, your Holy Spirit to start having clarity about where I am. Let me find my place. Inspire me the appropriate word and action.
* I will never satisfy everyone. So, teach me not to suffer if people that I love disagree. They might eventually leave the group. However, let me not worry about that. Let me worry about doing things properly with your help. If the proposal offered by CRISMHOM is good enough, the people will help and participate.
* I'm starting to suffer the pain that Jxxx Lxxx warned me about: the first opposition will come from inside, from people that you love. Let me be myself in spite of everything. Be with me these days. Surroud me with your presence.
* About starting to teach courses. The time that I may spend is about 8 hours a week during 15 weeks. It seems to me that this is quite some time. Let me choose the right thing. I start to me clearer. Maybe it is not worth.

Wed 20090128
* About accepting the coordination of CRISMHOM. Some days of this week have been particularly hard. Why do you want me in that place? I'm not willing. You told me through some people with big weight that I should be available there. I ask you though, be with me. Make your presense very near me. Give me a well trained tongue that I may know how to say to the weary a world that may rise them. I don't like to confront people. I usually avoid confrontation. However, being in this position will make me face these situations. Maybe You want me to develop this part of myself. However, I ask for your very presence to help me. Nothing has happened with Jxxx yet, that it will.

Mon 200902020
* Thank you my dearest Lord, for the hard situation I was experiencing with Axxx during the past week was over on Saturday. Thank you for being present.
* On Saturday morning, after waking up I was contemplating the situation when I did my trip to Viena. Of how hard it was because I thought I was wasting my time after so long preparation. The person who invited me had to do a presentation to get a position in Paris. A collaborator of him came also. I accepted that I was not getting anything out of the situation but decided with his collaborator to help this professor do his presentation properly. The previous to last day I worked with Txxx-Hxxx (the collaborator) and the morning of last day. We reached our conclusions and found two ways of moving forward. I found the objectives I needed. Thank you my dearest Lord, for after contemplating this situation You showed me that You are with me.
* Thank you for dad is a bit better.
* About xxx. Let me accept that he cannot offer what I need. However, he loves me tenderly as a friend. I think I cannot still develop a friendship with him. I'm still attatched to him. Help me get him out to be friends.