Spiritual Sharing February 2009

Mon 20090202
* Thank you my dearest Lord, for the hard situation I was experiencing with Axxx during the past week was over on Saturday. Thank you for being present.
* On Saturday morning, after waking up I was contemplating the situation when I did my trip to Viena. Of how hard it was because I thought I was wasting my time after so long preparation. The person who invited me had to do a presentation to get a position in Paris. A collaborator of him came also. I accepted that I was not getting anything out of the situation but decided with his collaborator to help this professor do his presentation properly. The previous to last day I worked with Txxx-Hxxx (the collaborator) and the morning of last day. We reached our conclusions and found two ways of moving forward. I found the objectives I needed. Thank you my dearest Lord, for after contemplating this situation You showed me that You are with me.
* Thank you for dad is a bit better.
* About xxx. Let me accept that he cannot offer what I need. However, he loves me tenderly as a friend. I think I cannot still develop a friendship with him. I'm still attatched to him. Help me get him out to be friends.

Mon 20090209
* Yesterday I was speaking to Axxx Vxxx, a jesuit who wanted to talk to me about a project to take care of the gay community. At some point, he said that he would not send anyone to serve this kind of project who would be willing to go. But rather, he would send somebody not willing to go. This fact makes me think that I may accept to serve the others because they ask me to do so, even if I'm not willing. Let me receive your call through others.

Tue 20090210
* I'm worried about CRISMHOM and the coming congress. I'm anticipating a fight between Jxxx and Jxxx which makes me very unhappy. I hope this will never happen.
* Thank you, my dearest Lord, for there might be possibilities to find a place where CRISMHOM may have space in Chueca. I don't want to rise many expectations on this but anyway, thank you. I can see with these happenings that this project is the work of your hands.
* My dearest Lord, keep calling me. Maybe this time You prefer calling me through others. I'd rather receive Your call directly from You. But may Your will be done and not mine. Let me trust you.
* About xxx, he did not allow us to loose contact. He is at least interested in maintaining contact. Give me, my dearest Lord, the gift of getting out of him and allow our friendship to progress.

Mon 20090216
* Lots of happenings this past weekend. Good news, busy weekend.
* Thank you my dearest Lord so much for there's still people in this world who get indeed inspired by your Spirit. Thank you for providing for CRIMSHOM. There is a very good chance that CRISMHOM may have its own headquaters. An almost 80 year old woman wants to give out a place she owns to create a spiritual center, a open religious place in the core of the gay neigbourhood in Madrid. The details are not important now but the contemplation of the events which put us in contact with this good-will woman remind us Your presece in this world and in particular for this modest project. I have had the believe that since the creation of CRISMHOM that it was not a project of women and men but a project of my dearest Lord. Thank you for this all.
* My prayer for Ixxx. May he find his own way in Your presence. He believes in the intercession prayer. Let me pray for him.
* My prayer for my parents. May they get better.
* Thank you so much for the phone call from xxx. Thank you, for he has thought of me yesterday. He took the iniciative and asked how I was going. Taking care of me. Let me thank him. When I was getting back from Viena last Thursday I was rather worried for CRISMHOM. Specially the dispute between Jxxx and Jxxx. It was a dispute of who was the most important. Jxxx Lxxx put them together and they spoke to each other. He saved the situation.
* Thank you for the opera on Saturday. I though very much on xxx as I was listening. I thought of him quite a lot during this week.
* Thank you for the invitation to join Jxxx and his friends on Sunday evening to see a movie. They made me laugh and I need laughing very much.
* About some phone calls to Exxx to thank her for the opera on Saturday and Mxxx in Granada.

Tue 20090217
* Whatever You want, whenever You want, if ever You want. May Your will be done, Your paths accomplished. For You are my dearest Lord and I trust You. I offer myself, I have doubts, I feel sometimes oppressed and uneasy but may my will not be done but what I understand it is Your will. I trust Your Divine Providence. Help me for I don't know how I will deal with so many things. Let me receive Your help. I would have loved to have received Your call directly from You. However, it didn't happen. It was more a call through some people who asked me to offer myself. May I not need what I would have liked but what You want me to receive.
* My prayer for Ixxx and Jxxx. I believe that Jxxx feels rather alone within CRISMHOM. In this moment I cannot do more than what I'm doing for him (that is not too much). After some time, that will be easier to do.

Fri 20090220

* My dearest Lord, I have been asking You to be called to serve CRISMHOM. I was called by others but not by You. I was writing a little text about Lent. An introduction for Lent vigil. This text is not mine but I wrote it. This text is perhaps the call I was asking. Yes, indeed it is. Thaq/qnk you for sending me. I'm now ready.

Sobre la Cuaresma

Se acerca la Cuaresma, tiempo de reflexión. Tiempo para caer en la cuenta, tiempo de revisión. Se inicia el miércoles de ceniza, con el deseo de conversión.

Es un momento privilegiado, sin las distracciones del tiempo de Navidad; sin compras, sin tanta fiesta. Para algunos una excusa, momento para viajar, para ir a la playa, para descansar.

El niÑo que nos nació ha crecido, ya se ha hecho mayor. Se ha ofrecido al extremo. No ha hecho otra cosa que amar. Amar a los desahuciados, a los pobres y marginados. Nos invita a enterrar nuestros complejos, los impedimentos a la felicidad. Enterrarlos hondo bajo tierra, para que germine una nueva vida, una inmensa actitud de gratuidad; un gran gracias por tanto bien recibido. Un borrón y cuenta nueva. Un deseo de volver a empezar, de olvidar los errores, de poder mejorar. Un deseo de acompaÑar a Cristo, de saber pasarlo mal, de aceptar el dolor y afrontarlo con esperanza. Dolor que pese a todo duele, y a veces duele mucho.

Aceptando cargas ajenas, acompaÑando en silencio, dejándose afectar. No son nuestros asuntos, sino los de los de los demás, de aquellos que necesitan ayuda, a veces simplemente estar. Manos de apoyo, presencia pacífica, escucha en silencio. Momentos intensos, vidas plenas que dan de balde, porque también de balde recibieron.

Nuestra cabeza nos llama idiotas, pero arde el corazón. Arde internamente como un volcán en erupción. Erupción de felicidad, de sentido interno, no importa lo que dirán. Cristo ha resucitado y con él vamos detrás. Él nos abrió la puerta, el camino nos marcó, nos dijo que no estaríamos solos que Él proveerá.

Lo inesperado aparece, lo nunca visto aquí está. No estaba previsto, todo parecía cerrado pero hoy una puerta se abre, una salida es marcada por un ventanuco angosto. La Providencia marca un camino de nerviosismo e imprevisión. Un camino inesperado, fuera de nuestro control. Para que el éxito no sea nuestro, sino que sea de Dios. No es lo que habíamos previsto, ni se hizo como queríamos, ni siquiera nos venía bien. Vino según un criterio, el criterio del Resucitado, cuya sabiduría nos supera y excede.

Ya comienza la Cuaresma, en cuarenta días la Pascua. Que lo que de balde fue recibido, sea ofrecido de balde. Y si recibido no nos parece, sea aún así ofrecido de balde, que en el momento por Dios elegido, de balde nos será retornado, en un momento inesperado y en gran medida acrecentado.



About Lent

Lent is approaching, time to reflect. Time to review life happenings, time to realize. It begins on Ash Wednesday with the desire to convert.

It is a privileged moment, without the distractions of Christmas season; without shopping, without so many parties. For some people an excuse, a moment to travel, to go to the beach, to have a rest.

The child who was born has grown up. He's offered himself to the extreme. He's done nothing but love. Love the homeless, the poor and discriminated. He invites us to bury our selfishness, the things which avoid our happiness. Bury those well under ground, that a new life is started, an overwhelming gratitude, a great thank you for the good that we all received. A new starting point. A desire to begin the begin, forgetting the errors, allow oursefves to improve. A desire to walk by the side of Christ, to learn how to have a bad time, to accept the pain and face it with hope. Pain that after all hurts and sometimes it hurts a lot.

Accepting the loads of others, going silently beside, letting oneself being affected. They are not our businesses but those from others, from those who need our help, sometimes simply be aside. Supporting hands, peaceful presence. Intense moments, full lives which freely give for they have also freely received.

Our head calls us idiots but the heart burns. It burns internally like an erupting volcano. Eruption of hapiness, of internal sense, it doesn't matter what they will say. Christ is risen and thereafter we go. He opened the door, showed us the way, He told us that we would not be alone, that He would provide.

The unexpected
Lo inesperado aparece, lo nunca visto aquí está. No estaba previsto, todo parecía cerrado pero hoy una puerta se abre, una salida es marcada por un ventanuco angosto. La Providencia marca un camino de nerviosismo e imprevisión. Un camino inesperado, fuera de nuestro control. Para que el éxito no sea nuestro, sino que sea de Dios. No es lo que habíamos previsto, ni se hizo como queríamos, ni siquiera nos venía bien. Vino según un criterio, el criterio del Resucitado, cuya sabiduría nos supera y excede.

Ya comienza la Cuaresma, en cuarenta días la Pascua. Que lo que de balde fue recibido, sea ofrecido de balde. Y si recibido no nos parece, sea aún así ofrecido de balde, que en el momento por Dios elegido, de balde nos será retornado, en un momento inesperado y en gran medida acrecentado.

Mon 20090227
* The congress of CRIMSHOM has finally ended. It has been very tiring. In special, all the process of offering myself and being available. In the end, I'm not the coordinator and I feel a great relief. May Your presence be among us during the next two years. My prayer for the current president, may he be Your instrument to achieve the best for the group.
* It's been tiring but let me thank for this process. It has been worth living it. I got to know Jxxx a lot better. Thank you, for letting me offer myself. For You gave me Your strength and I felt Your presence very close to me (especially last week).
* Thank you for the dinner with Jxxx after the congress. For the first time, I think I understood what he deeply feels. He said a new thing. He felt internally the action of Your Spirit throgh the defense of the non-born children. For the first time I think I deeply understood him.
* My prayer for Axxx. His comments were hard and hurting to others. In the end he regretted but I don't think he ended in good shape after the congress. May You be with him. There is something blocked inside him that makes him suffer and say things that hurt others.
* My prayer for Ixxx. I though of him in the cantata concert I attended yesterday.
* My prayer for dad and mum.

Tue 20090224
* My dearest Lord, I feel tired and discouraged. I'm not sleeping much these days. I wake up before my alarm clock rings. I cannot sleep again once I wake up. My dearest Lord, may I sleep. May my alarm clock wake me up and not my worries and thoughts. I feel sometimes lonely though I know I'm not alone. Thank you for your presence last week. Give me your peace and hapiness.
* My prayer for Jxxx and Axxx. May they reconcile with each other, clarify their positions. May You be in between them.