Fri 20080801
Así: te necesito
de carne y hueso.
Te atisba el alma en el ciclón de estrellas,
tumulto y sinfonía de los cielos;
y, a zaga del arcano de la vida,
perfora el caos y sojuzga el tiempo,
y da contigo, Padre de las causas,
motor primero.
So I need you,
from meat and bone.
In the star cyclone the soul peeks you,
turmoil and heavenly symphony;
through day after day in life,
it pierces chaos and judges time,
and finds you, Father of happenings,
engine the First.
mas el frío conturba en los abismos,
y en los díasde Dios amaga el vértico.
¡Y un fuego vivo necesita el alma
y un asidero!
Hombre quisiste hacerme, no desnuda
inmaterialidad de pensamiento.
Soy una encarnación diminutiva:
el arte, replandor que toma cuerpo:
la palabra es la carne de la idea:
¡encarnación es todo el universo!
¡y el que puso esta ley en nuestra nada
hizo su carne su verbo!
Así: tangible, humano, fraterno.
Ungir tus pies, que buscan mi camino,
sentir tus manos en mis ojos ciegos,
hundirme como Juan, en tu regazo,
y (Judas sin traición) darte mi beso.
Carne soy, y de carne te quiero.
¡Caridad que viniste a mi indigencia,
qué bien sabes hablar en mi dialecto!
Así, sufriente, corporal, amigo,
¡cómo te entiendo!
¡Dulce locura de misericordia:
los dos de carne y hueso!
Mon 20080811
* Getting back to work after almost three weeks of vacation. Thanks for this vacation. My German has come back. Thank you for meeting Pxxx, the woman I lived with, and her boyfriend and her son. I hope to maintain the friendship with them.
* My prayer for dad. He is has continued up and down in these three weeks I was on vacation. My prayer for Jxxx Lxxx.
* I pray for Jxxx Mxxx, the missionary in the Ivory Coast. He is in hospital recovering. May this saint of Yours be well in the company of Your presence.
* Thank you for Axxx is getting a lot better.
* Today I will speak again with Exxx, this person from Venezuela that has asked for my help. I don't know what to say. This situation is getting very hard. May my dearest Lord help me do what could be best. I simply don't know.
Thu 20080814
As a shadow pass the days
of the man with vain purpose,
but a single one before God,
counts a thousand such of those.
To the Father, Son and Holy Spirit
may I praise my life complete:
the rosary of the hours,
of the nights and days. Amén
* Yesterday I talked to Jxxx. He talked me to get back into academia. This is something that I have always been thinking of. I may now start a reflection period to see whether this is my path.
Siempre es hora de la gracia,
¡despierte el alma dormida!
Los canglicones del sueÑo
van hurtando el agua viva
en la noria de las horas,
de las noches y los días.
PeldaÑos de eternidad
me ofrece el tiempo en su huida,
si, ascendiendo paso a paso,
lleno mis manos vacías.
Sólo el tiempo se redime,
quitándole su malicia.
Como una sombra se esfuman
del hombre vano los días,
pero uno solo ante Dios
cuenta mil aÑos de espigas.
"Tus aÑos no morirán",
leo en la Sagrada Biblia:
lo bueno y noble perdura
eternizado en la dicha.
Sembraré, mientras es tiempo,
aunque me cueste fatigas.
Al Padre, al Hijo, al Espíritu
alabe toda mi vida:
el rosario de las horas,
de las noches y los días. Amén.
Tues 20080819
* May You, my dearest Lord be very close to me. I need Your presence. I find it difficult to pray these days. I feel frustrated. I'm not sure whether I can explain how I feel. I feel that I cannot allow me to complain because I have everything I could possibly need. Because so many people would be so happy if they had what I have: my family, job, friends. However, I cannot avoid feeling the way I'm feeling.
* About going to the cinema last Sunday with Mxxx, Cxxx and Mxxx. I had a great time with them. I could not sleep the following night. Maybe, this is all about loneliness.
* My dearest Lord, don't allow me to think that people don't love me, because they don't "call me". I know this is all about loneliness. They most likely won't call, so please, be with me so that I don't feel lonely.
Wed 20080820
* When I got back home, I updated my cv. I think that I will ask for certificates of all the conferences and courses I have attended. I called Jxxx to accept his proposal of preparing my qualifications towards getting back to academic life. Tomorrow I will go to see a movie and so on Friday. All this relieved me a little.
Thu 20080821
* I woke up this morning feeling down. I don't know what is happening to me. Yesterday I went to see "Mamma Mia" with my parents. I had a great time.
Fri 20080822
* My dearest Lord, today I feel a little better. Yesterday I was studying the papers I want to get through. Perhaps only a couple of hours but I got clarified. I also transferred some of my work to another person. That has released me too.
* It seems to me that I was starting to get blocked. I could not avoid feeling so bad in the morning. They only thing that relieves me is getting some work done.
* I'm getting out of the work group. They have proposed me many times to play football with them. I have never accepted. Give me the strength to accept, at least once. I don't feel at all like playing football but I should integrate with the rest of people.
* I think that what blocks me is the feeling that there's no way out to do what I like. The perspective to get back to academic life seems uncertain and far away. In addition, only academic life is not what is best (a combination of both academic and practitioner life). Now, it is not possible. The feeling of never getting there is frustrating me a lot. It does not allow me to "waste" time and integrate with the other people of the group.
* My dearest Lord, teach me to be patient. Be with me, I need your presence. It seems to me that the only thing I can ask is for more "time". I'm sure that I will not get acknowledged for what I have done this year with an increase of salary. Then, I will ask for "time".
Tue 20080826
Romans 11, 33-36
How rich are the depths of God, how deep his wisdom and knowledge and how impossible to penetrate his motives or understand his methods! Who could ever know the mind of the Lord? Who could ever be his counselor? Who could ever give him anything or lend him anything? All that exists comes from him; all is by him and for him. To him the glory for ever! Amen.
¡Qué abismo de generosidad, de sabiduría y de conocimiento, el de Dios! ¡Qué insondables sus decisiones y qué irrastreables sus caminos! ¿Quién conoció la mente del SeÑor? ¿Quién fue su consejero? ¿Quién le ha dado primero, para que él le devuelva? El es el origen, guía y meta del universo. A él la gloria por los siglos. Amén.
The ways of my dearest Lord are not mine. They are so much higher than mine. His paths overwhelm me so much. May Your will be done, Your paths accomplished. This is my prayer for Jxxx Lxxx. May You be close to him so that he can keep always near You. Difficult and misleading paths, put to the test. Don't allow, my dearest Lord, us fall under these stressing and insecure feelings that sometimes are outside our control. Whatever corresponds to me, whatever corresponds to Jxxx Lxxx. I join him for I also feel myself put to the test. Let us pray not to fall under test.
* I call Gxxx yesterday to tell her that I'm so sorry for the death of her father. My prayer for her mother.
Fri 20080829
Jeremiah 20, 7-9
You have seduced me, Lord, and I have let myself be seduced; you have overpowered me: you were the stronger. I am a laughing-stock, everybody's butt. Each time I speak the word, I have to howl and proclaim: "Violence and ruin!" The word of the Lord has meant for me insult, derision, all day long. I used to say, "I will not think about him, I will not speak in his name any more". Then there seemed to be a fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones. The effort to restrain it wearied me, I could not bear it.
* My dearest Lord, You have seduced me and I have let myself be seduced. Continue seducing me.
* Today Nxxx says goodbye at work. I wish her all the best. I don't even know whether she believes in You. Anyway, protect her and her difficult decision process.
* I was very happy to see all the people from CRISMHOM yesterday.
